I am Toulouse — a SAHM of 2 stinky boys who works hard to increase my mothering skills by stalking other mothers on facebook, tweeting funny bon mots on twitter, pinning hilarious sayings about drinking wine onto my pinterest page, and exercising my family’s sense of humor by writing about them on my blog, Toulouse & Tonic.
While my methods are unorthodox, I am succeeding at making my kids hate me one post at a time.
And on East Atlanta Patch
The hubs, Gabe. He has a good sense of humor. And a strong sense of self-worth. And we have a good enough relationship that he’s completely comfortable with this. And this. And this. What a man, what a man, what a mighty good man.
My human hurricane in a 5-year-old body, Asher. Read more about him here: Superheroes. Not Pirates, What Happened at School Yesterday. Or the Difference Between What is Real and What is Pretend and The P Word.
Super-preemie extraordinaire, 13 months corrected age, Meyer. Get the low-down on him here: Bed Rest, Episode 6: Series Cancelled, How to Put On Your Game Face With a Tube Attached to It and The Worst Sight You Can Wake Up To.
My old-ass, blind & deaf, mean mofo of a boy-dog, Brady. Do not even look at him the wrong way. He’ll take your arm off even though he can’t see it. And my not-so-old, but very, very bad rescue girl-dog, Hadley. And I used to wonder why someone put her out on the streets. He’s on the left, she’s on the right.
For those interested in sponsorship information, please contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I’m open to giveaways, product reviews, advertising and sponsorships for brands and products I believe in. I have a background in marketing and PR, so I’ll be happy to work with you to create a program that suits your needs, however small or large.
STILL wanna know more? Here are 10 COMPLETELY RANDOM FACTS About Me
1. I was born with a Olympic-level talent in parallel parking. I’ve never practiced. But I can parallel park my SUV in a parking space the size of a postage stamp.
2. I used to manage a rock-n-roll band. Although no one gives 2 shits what I used to do now that I’m a mom.
3. I twirled the baton competitively until I was in high school. Haven’t touched one in a long time, but I can still do the sugar-bowl.
4. Tearing pictures of beauty products out of magazines is a major compulsion, even though all I do is collect them in drawers for 3 years then throw them away.
5. I am both a perfectionist and terribly, terribly impatient — two such opposing personality traits that I often end up nothing but frustrated.
6. I’ve wanted to be a writer since before I could write anything. My parents still have my first book: a folded piece of plan white paper with a drawing of a stick figure inside.
7. I think you really can tell something about people from their shoes.
8. Despite what my first resume out of college may have said, I am not really a people person.
9. I spent almost 3 weeks on complete hospital bed rest and then delivered my son at 29 1/2 weeks gestation. That saga has been going on since January 15. 2012.
10. I think everyone needs to get and keep their own life. Even mommies.
11. (bonus) I have a bit of a potty mouth when my kids aren’t around. Deal with it.