A recent study published in Child Development Magazine found that preschoolers argue with their parents an average of 20 to 25 times per hour.
This is no surprise to me.
My 4-year-old’s official job on this planet, for which he receives some kind of esoteric compensation of which I cannot comprehend the value, seems to be making things harder for his dad and me.
He won’t go potty.
He won’t brush his teeth.
He won’t eat.
He won’t get dressed.
He won’t take a bath.
Basically, he does not want to do anything we want him to do.
This is especially true if we are in any kind of hurry whatsoever.
If there’s a deadline to be met, you can freaking forget about it.
I’ve literally fed him his pancake bite by bite in the morning, begging him to “take a giant monster bite” instead of the “tiny birdy bite” he much prefers when we’re running late for school.
While we run around packing his lunch, getting dressed, feeding the dogs and performing all the other general chaos of a school/work morning, Asher chooses to make up songs about gummy worms and dinosaurs over his uneaten breakfast.
He thinks running the water in the sink while making faces at himself in the mirror is far superior to actually brushing his teeth.
And he would rather eat a plate of sand and cigarettes than go potty. The kid freaking HATES to go to the potty.
I’ve dragged him by both arms to the potty so many times, whatever pants he’s wearing are the closest thing to a mop my floors see.
So basically, seeing the results of this depressing study actually made me feel less depressed about the contrary nature of my kid.
Apparently, it’s the nature of all kids to be contrary.
To the tune of at least once every 3 minutes.
And now I have a second kid. A sweet baby that will some day become a contrary 4-year-old.
And this one has a master to learn from.
God help me.