Summer is really swinging now and if you’re anything like us, you’ve already spent way more money trying to entertain the kids (and yourself) than you should’ve. Well, Mike to the rescue. He has really outdone himself this time. I mean, he spent some real time thinking up the most UNUSUAL free things to do this summer for you and your kids. You won’t find these things on any other list. Unless Mike made that list.
Without any further ado, here’s Mike with his latest WHAT HE SAID, by Mike.
So ….. are you saving for your kid’s college ?? If not, you damn well better be and in a big way, right NOW !!!!
To save you some greenbacks this summer, I have come up with some summer fun for your kids that costs you, nothing. What? Yep, free of charge, nada, zilch….
1. It’s Halloween in July !! – Christmas in July ?!?!? How about the most giving holiday of the year in July – Halloween !! Dress your kids up in any old costume and have them “trick or treat” at a grocery store. The store managers will think they are so cute that the will give them tons of free stuff. Screw the other parents looking at you like you’re nuts. They are just jealous they didn’t think of this idea. Note – you might want to do this at a grocery store you don’t frequent. (You sexy moms can dress up too!)
2. That deluxe apartment in the sky – Find a swanky neighborhood’s community pool and sneak in – public pools are for losers. No telling what’s floating in those things. You need an upper class pool. You deserve the upper class pool. All you have to do is after you sneak in, locate the dumpiest looking chick by the pool and talk shit about her with some of the other moms and you are in – they will think you are one of their own.
3. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah …. You say it’s your b’day !! – fill out b’day cards for your kids during the year but make their b’day on a day in the summer. Then just wait for that day to cash in on the free stuff (free cookie, free ice cream, etc.). Kids don’t have ID so they can’t check to see if you are lying. You fill out enough cards, you can make an entire day of it
4. Grand Opening – Come on. You got nothing else to do but sit your butt on the couch and have your memory scrubbed of all the past good times while watching Sponge Bob. Get the kids dressed, in the car and find that kid friendly place that is having a grand opening. They will welcome you with open arms to try out their new “unique” experience which incidentally, is the same crap that everyone else has, but at least you get a free piece of pizza and a balloon animal.
5. Shhhhhhhh! – you want peace and quiet ?? The library is the place. No one can talk in this place. It’s not allowed. Not your rules, their’s. You aren’t having to tell the kids to be quiet. Some old cranky lady (or man) has to police them. Get your kids a couple of books then sit back and enjoy that rare sound you used to remember …. Silence
6. Let’s call Uber – with this one you can even make money! Become a driver for Uber. When you get the call for a pickup, load up the hooligans in the Dorito dust-infested minivan and while showing your kids new parts of the city, go pick up your PAYING ride. I promise you will make some good money and you will be providing a great service to any young single male or female riders by exposing them to their future if they stupidly don’t use protection
7. Let’s Swap – You can only accomplish this with another mother with kids the same age as your kids. It’s easy to do and your kids will love it. Bundle up about 15-20 of your kids’ toys they don’t play with. Exchange them with the other mom who will give you 15-20 of her kids’ retired toys (Make sure they aren’t the same). Then sit back for a couple of days and relax – your kids will love getting to play with “new” toys they don’t have and it didn’t cost a dime.
8. My Family’s Got Talent – let your kids know that today is Talent Show day. They have all morning to come up with an act (singing, acting, comedy, whatever). They need to plan and practice their “performance” then present it to the parents tonight after dinner. Who knows – you may have a Taylor Swift in your midst (more than likely you have a William Hung). The beauty of this plan you ask ? All day of being left alone while your little talent seekers plan and hone their routines. Brilliant!
9. The Swiffer Olympics – I can see your heads nodding up and down with this on. It’s a simple formula. You hate to clean the house and the kids always have tons of unspent energy. What to do ?? Easy, peasy – time for the Swiffer Olympics. Affix Swiffer sheets to each kids’ socks and start the race. Who will be first to make 50 laps around the dining room ? You little cherubs expend their immense energy and you have floors that have never looked cleaner. Don’t forget about the “Mr. Miyagi wax on, wax off–a-thon” for your furniture. Go for the gold, kiddos !
10. Redneck Slip and Slide – as easy as it gets. You don’t need to spend $50 for the real thing from Wham-O. Find an old plastic paint tarp and spread it out. Squirt it with water and add some dish soap (you weren’t going to wash dishes anyways today) and then stand back and watch the kiddos go nuts. Not only will they be having a ball but they will be crazy clean and you will be creating a memory that they will bring up at every Thanksgiving get-together for the next 40 years. Isn’t that really the goal ?
So there you have it. 10 totally unique and free summer activities for your kids and your whole family. All from Mike’s crazy head. Read more of his “unique” ideas and opinions here.
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