10 Practical Things to Teach Your Kids Before They're Out On Their Own

Mike is feeling prolific these days after a long dry spell. Did I mention that he’s raised 3 awesome kids to adult status? Despite his curmudgeonly habits, he’s actually a pretty awesome dad (plus he has the benefit of a really kickass wife) so today, he offers you 10 practical things to teach your kids about life before they’re out on their own. You can start teaching them most of these things today, even if they’re still toddling around your house. Maybe not the hard liquor one. Save that for when they’re at least 10.

Rule #1 – Life is filled with assholes – they usually act like jerks and get exactly what they want, when they want it. The quicker you learn to deal with their attitudes and ignore the fact that they get what they want because of the way they act, the better and less stressful your life will be. Trust me – it’s better to not be an asshole. Just watch people duck out of sight when those people come strolling into view. Don’t be that douche.

Rule #2 – Don’t just treat people as you wish to be treated, treat them better. And if someone treats you badly, just ignore them. They aren’t worth your concerns. Believe me, it will be great fun to see them on Facebook 20 years later and see how shitty their life is.

Rule #3 – Don’t drink hard liquor. Don’t get me wrong – I do love my bourbon, but there is a limit and I have never been able to hit that stopping point and actually stop. I usually fly by that “stop sign” like a speeding Camaro with no brakes. And believe me, nothing good ever happens on the other side of that “stop sign.”

Rule #4 – There are no short cuts. Everything (and I mean everything) takes hard work in order to be good at it. Success is directly related to effort. More effort means more opportunities for success. Hard work does pay off …. eventually.

Rule #5 – Learn to play guitar. Boys, girls, it doesn’t matter – any kid that could play guitar was an instant hit at parties, and always had a ton of friends (female ones if you are a dude), and was the coolest kid there was. Definitely worth the time to learn the skill that you can use your entire life. (From Toulouse: he’s right – the girls ALWAYS love the boys in the band)

Rule #6 – Make yourself and others feel better – just follow the damn rules. Yeah, I agree, most rules are stupid and I don’t always like following them but they are made to be followed not broken (some people think it is the other way around). If you don’t want to follow them, remember Rule #1. You’re the asshole.

Rule #7 – Take lots of pictures – of everything. If life is like cake, then memories are like the icing. Pictures keep those memories sweet and tasty forever. (From Toulouse -and if you’re a mom – get a selfie stick. It’s the only way you’re ever gonna end up in any of the pictures. I bought this one and I adore it. So simple to use (no bluetooth bullshit) and extends so far, you never see the stick in the pictures. Hey – mom’s actually in this one!)

Rule #8 – Don’t buy anything on a whim – research for the best item and deal available. Buyer’s remorse is a deep and painful emotion.

Rule #9 – Get a college degree – Not saying it guarantees a better life but a college degree opens more doors of opportunity for you. Plus, college is great fun – see Rule #7 and see this post by me and Toulouse about the 20 ridiculous things that seem completely normal in college.

Rule #10 – If you don’t like something, don’t cry about it, do something about it. Anyone can point the finger and bitch. The people of real value are the ones that can deal with problems and fix them for themselves and others.

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