Today, my 3yo told me he’d be right back, he was just going to the “diamond room” for a minute. As much as it might sound to you like we’re running a strip club in our home, I’m pretty sure he meant the room where we eat dinner. That’s just the beginning of the funny kid quotes around here. He also asks for a “Happy Milk” whenever we pass a McDonald’s. When I was a little girl, there was a store called the TG&Y and for most of my young life, I thought that store was called the TeeGinWhy. Cuz I guess I never actually looked up at the letters above the door.
My awesome readers chimed in with all the hilarious things they used to say wrong or their children said wrong and since I cannot stop laughing at their truly LOL responses, I thought I’d share some of their funny kid quotes with you.
Get ready to laugh your ask off. 😉
My grand daughter said you can tell they are girl cows because they have gutters.
My son would say it was darking outside… (My 3yo says the same thing and I hope he never stops)
My kids called bathing suits “Baby Soup.” I can’t stop myself now (they are 13 and 10). (No One Said It Would Be Easy, But They NEVER Said It Would Be This Hard)
My 3yo calls corn nuts “porn nuts” and asks for them VERY loudly in the grocery store.
My 5yo is very concerned that Jimmy Buffet puts “boobs” in the blender. (Margaritaville)
My son had his own language, here are a few…. Feel Head (Forehead), Next Day (tomorrow), Last Day ( yep Yesterday), Clown Bread ( Wonder bread), Man dressing ( Paul Newman’s brand)!
When my son was about 3 he decided that whistling should be called fwucking. He was screeching at the cat one day and when I asked what he was doing he said “fwucking da cat, mom.”
I thought it was a we deeder until I was in my 20’s…
When I was in 2nd grade, when we were still allowed to talk about religion, my teacher asked each student what religion their families was. When my turn came I was excited because my parents were of different faiths. I stood up and said My Mom was Catholic but my Dad was a Prostitute.
My son called his Thomas the train friend ‘Percy’ “Pussy” for the longest time and being green is his favorite color he chose to tell anyone who would listen that “I love pussy. Pussy is my favorite” (One of my son’s went through a P word phase too. Read the LOL stories here and here)
There’s a place (in Mobile, AL) called CNI center. I thought it was the ‘seeing eye center’ lol.
My 20 month old always insists on wearing “cocks” on her feet inside her shoes.
My daughter randomly started talking about a “f#@k you in the
a$$”…turned out it was a snorkel and mask. It has now evolved into a “snorkel and ask”. Also she would ask us for a “f#@king knife” which was fork and knife. One of her milder mispronounced words right now is “pinano” for piano, which is much cuter and easier to explain to mixed company.
(My 3yo – when he was 2 – went through a phase of yelling FOOK at me all through dinner every night. Find out why here)
My aunt went to the bowling lanes almost every night. I realized she was actually saying “Bo and Elaine’s” when they came for dinner.
I once told my mom that my friend and I were really horny while in a restaurant. I’m not sure what I thought it meant but I remember her being mortified.
In Berlin’s song Take My Breath Away (Top Gun) I thought it was “Julio Iglesias saw you” for YEARS. That’d be “through the hourglass I saw you.”
Bad moon on the rise —I sang –there’s a bathroom on the right –till corrected by another 20 year old —duh!!!! I still LOL AS A 65ish year old!
My son calls the escalator the “ass evader”
My nephew saw a commercial and asked my brother what ” a reptile dysfunction ” is.
My dad went to the ‘licorice’ store a lot but he only ever came out with a brown bag and no candy….
I am apparently a quarter “pork a cheese” (Portuguese).
I have a friend who called fish sticks “fish dicks” well into middle school.
Corn on the knob.
We went to the Cracker Biscuit (barrel) on Sunday’s. After we drove past the pedestrian church.
I thought a fly swatter was a “flice water” and that “being have” meant behaving.
My friend’s baby sister called lasagne “vagina” and they had “vagina night” once a week.
I called KFC Fuck-y Fried Chicken
My beautiful little niece would call me Aunt Anal instead of Aunt Angel that’s why I am now called Memee.
I babysat a kid that called an airplane a ger ca plane. My son called a backpack a pack pack. Had a dog named Munchkin and the kids all called him Mun chicken, later to be named Chicken.
My daughter has some gems. Hell-tell for hotel and horny-corn for unicorn. And they both crack me up so much that neither me nor my hubs have corrected her and she’s 6.
My youngest say Celerina instead of Cinderella. It sounds like she has a weird princess obsession with celery. There’s a country song called, There Might Be a Little Dust on the Bottle that I thought was There Might Be a Little Dust on the Bible until my late teens.
My 5yo calls the Fridge, the fridgiliator. My mom says I called facial tissues, sneenex. I guess a cross between Sneeze and Kleenex.
I still have to convince myself that Go Go’s song is “Our Lips are Sealed.” I still sing “Islands of Seals” every time I hear it…
I thought varicose veins were so close to the skins surface that that’s why they were called ” very close veins.”
Two of my favorites from my daughter when she was little . Sky biters – the white trails behind a plane and her favorite dinner – chicken ice cream – seems when we had chicken for dinner she could have ice cream after dinner
My little sister thought the song “Manic Monday” said…”just another man named Monday”….
We have a pizza place called Little Italy but my daughter always called it Little Wiggly. We still call it that and she’s 13 now.
My old boss called a onesie, an “o-ness-ee”, not “one-zee”.
I used to call windshield wipers winchell wipers until at least high school…
My 4 year old is always looking for what kind of “putfrints” any animals may leave
My daughter used to have “ice piggies” for breakfast (rice krispies). And she said “misses cheese” for Christmas trees.
I thought the neighbors cinder-block garage was a cylinder block garage. The irony didn’t hit me until adulthood.
My friend’s daughter asked if boys like “girl cheese sandwiches”
My 3- year old calls Old Navy, Old Maybe.
My daughter one day told me she wanted to wear her “under corns.” I thought she meant her underwear and she was so mad, until I figured out she wanted to wear her pants with unicorns on them!
The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band’s song “Cadillac Ranch”, I (to this day) sing it as “Tearin’ up the highway like a pickled dinosaur.” My son used to say “clean and slimy” instead of “clean and shiny”.
My mom went to the hospital & got a hippopotamus (hysterectomy).
My little man used to say “What the WhooHa?!” Instead of ‘what the heck’… That was always fun in public.
My son used to call cupcakes “pupcakes” and picnic “nicnic”.
My son would always call an elevator an alligator.
My husband thought shampoo was called “pan-choo” well into elementary school. His mom never bothered to correct him. So he found out the hard way through his peers.
My son brought home a Mothers Day poem in Grade 3…one of the lines said “we’re going to have a Mother/Son day”….so the next day on actual Mothers Day…he asked when we were going to Dairy Queen so he could buy me my “Mother Sundae.”
My youngest calls knives “buttons,” my husband figures it’s because they’re “butter” knives. My sister’s friend always went swimming in her “babein soup”…so, so do we!
My son says poikey for something pokes me. My daughter said cash-er-rate-er for cashier. And my niece used to say inter-steak for interstate
My son used to call dinosaurs “nonosaurs” and my daughter used to call cows “tows” (pronounced like cow with a T”. She also used to say “mut” instead of what. We’d say hey Maggie, and she would answer “mut mama” or “mut daddy”.
My youngest calls chick fil a, chick a lay.
Alligator for escalator. Besqweto for mosquito
My 4 y/o loves to eat “Smarshmellows”. It’s too cute to correct her.
I didn’t find out that grain elevators were not green alligators until we went on a road trip in the Midwest and I was challenged after mentioning how many there were.
We have “constructions, pupcakes & mollypops” here (instructions, cupcakes and lollypops) per my 4yr old when she was 2….and mommy drinks “dr pepsi” (Mt dew). I still get asked by family if I’m wearing my “bertini” to the pool.(my name for a bikini as a child)
My daughter used to say rainbrella, stunk, squirr-la and nirocerous instead of the more boring umbrella, skunk, squirrel and rhinoceros. And sing ‘jeepers, creepers, whereja get those beavers.’
When I was wee, I called the calculator a gunklator.
A butter knife is a hammer to my 5 year old!
My son could not pronounce Penis and testicles (which is a bit face reddening as a mom trying to be all cool about teaching him…..) he would call his bits his Peanuts and Two Nickels.
My 4 year old used to call watermelons “watermarshmallows”. My sister called her bathing suit a baby suitcase. And last time I went to visit my sister in law, my niece told me she had a sexy dream. Her dad quickly informed me that she meant a dream about Skeksis from the Dark Crystal.
We have ottermelons (watermelons) here according to my 2 1/2 year old.
I always thought the song “Jesus once of humble birth” said “Jesus was a tumbling bird.” Sang it that way too.
McDonald’s = Old MacDonalds. And Wyoming = Whyohmee until 4th grade!!!
My favorite of my son’s mispronunciations was always “Itigo B*tch!” His favorite movie at the time was Lilo & Stitch. Bambi was “Dammit”. He called wood “rooden” until 3rd grade. I’m 30 & still refer to bears as “beews” if I don’t think first.
Bading suit. Took me a long time before I realized it was bathing suit.
My 6 yr old says hopgrasser and jumpoline.
Deodorant was, “derodorant.” A hand-me-down was a “let-me-down,” California was, “Calicornia.” I used to sing Madonna’s “Papa Don’t Preach” completely wrong. I sang, “Popper dome preach.” No idea what the popper dome was supposed to be!
My son loves “shishing” (fishing) and “shish” (fish). Apples are “bopples”, juice is “yuice” (juice with a y), coke is “oak”…. and you’ll catch hubby and I saying all of them… in adult conversation… without the Honey Badger
The first part of the Australian national anthem is “Australians all let us rejoice….” and I have heard it as “Australians all lead ostriches”
Whataburger = Waterburger
My 5 year year old says ROBB-O instead of bravo. I’m not going to correct her.
My daughter used to say shower curkin. I refused to correct her.
My daughter says sum-scream instead of sunscreen (My boys say sun cream)
My maiden name was Adams…so when I asked my dad what was on his throat and he said his “Adams Apple” I always just assumed that it was your last name followed by Apple
Apparently old pennies (made before 1950, I believe) had pictures of wheat on the back and were referred to as “wheat pennies.” Well into adulthood I called them “weak pennies.”
My 7 year old calls her private parts her “pirate parts” and instead of diarrhea she says she has “ballerinas”!!!
My nephew was quite fond of the Fox and the Hound movie as a kid. We had gone to the video store and it happened to be on the new release wall near the movies we were looking at and he started to chant “I want to watch the F*ckin’ Hound!!!!”
The place my dad bought his cigarettes was called Tobacco Road. My sister and I only knew it as “The Back of the Road.”
My daughter said the cat was perving all over her…she meant purring!
There was a hymn from when I was growing up and the lyrics are ‘and he sought me and bought me’ but I thought they were saying ‘and he socked me and bought me’, like why would Jesus hit me?!
For a long time I thought ” god bless you” was “god blush you.” In fact I still catch myself saying blesh you.
My son said asshole instead of tinsel on the Christmas tree. Funniest christmas of my life.
My siblings called my dad’s radial arm saw the “radio alarm saw”
I thought Alzheimer was Old Timers!
Aluminum foil, I used to call lumina foil cuz that word was just so hard to pronounce.
My 5 yr old calls Kleenex “sneezenex”. It’s the cutest thing!
When my son was little, he would say: andylance (ambulance), tomato siren (tornado siren), big-strong-enough (beef stroganoff), pepperpleeka (paprika from Blue’s Clues) and diedraya (diarrhea). Up until he was 6 or so, he would say ‘thinger’ instead of finger (he could say other words that started with F just fine).
We were on a road trip and my daughter misread the sign. She thought it said “stupid butt licker”…it was really Study Butte Liquor (pronounced Stoodee). We still laugh about this today.
My sister used to call meatloaf “meat-baloaf”, and spaghetti was “pasketti.” My brother-in-law called a helicopter a “high-topty-topty”. Funniest, though, was my youngest daughter calling our dog a Laboratory Retriever.
My son called mountain dew, Monkey dew. He thought Def Lepard was singing “pour some sugar on me, from my head to my peaches.”
My son used to tell everyone, including a police officer, that he lived in a cage. The name of our town is Arcade.
My oldest used to call a computer a “peter” and would often want to play with it. We went to visit Colorado and ate at Golden Corral (there are none here) and she calls it Golden Crawl.
French room instead of the front room. Oh and “sweet dreams are made of cheese” song lyrics.
My little sister said pew-fume for perfume.
One of my son’s would say “kifes and bugs” instead of kisses and hugs.
I had a girlfriend whose 5 yr old son wanted to go to Pizza Huck.
Concession stand is Confession stand according to my 6 year old. My dad says I did the same thing.
My 7 year old always wants to go to a resternaut (rhymes with astronaut). I will never correct him.
A merrote is a TV remote, and a tro-co-mole is the Xbox controller
My then 2 and 3 year old boys always wanted “chicken nuts” from McDonald’s which my younger daughter would later call “McOldonalds.”
My nephew use to call Toysrus, Toys right by us when he was younger
Thought shoulder was soldier.
We call Red Lobster ‘red lompster’ because that’s where my daughter said she wanted to go to when she was about 3. We never corrected her snd it stuck.
When I asked my son what kind of lunchmeat he wanted, he said…black horse ham!!! I had been buying black forest ham.
I went to Catholic high school and never under stood what the big deal about the Youth in Asia was. (Bliss Ranch)
My daughter called tissues “tennis shoes” for the longest time.
My niece wished my mom ” happy birds egg” for happy birthday
The “asshole” (axle) on my nephews toy truck broke. My daughter’s favorite song is “the itchy bitch spider”.
My son told me he watched a movie about magical bitches with papa. I had to call my dad and find out what they watched. It was wizard of oz with magical witches.
My son loves the narwhal song. But instead of a kick-ass facial horn, it has a kickin special horn.
I remember thinking LMNOP was one letter of the alphabet because of the way we sang the song.
Up until about a month ago (sadly I’m not kidding), I thought Vanilla Ice was saying 818 Detroit Ave and not A1A Beachfront Ave. I am glad to say after a lengthy Facebook discussion, I wasn’t the only one who thought he said Detroit Avenue…
My oldest son was told he had “Good eye, hand coordination”, he smiled and said thank you then turned to me and asked, What is “high cotton nation”?
My daughter use to call motorcycles sodamichaels
When I was young, I thought it was my ‘Fourth head’.
My 11 year old still says ‘halleluLah’.
My 3 year old loves to talk about ‘bitches’. Ya know, the road that goes over water…
My daughter’s favorite flavor is valinna, and her favorite fruit is fresh applepinal.
Every one of these responses came from a simple status update on my Facebook page about my 3yo saying “diamond room” instead of “dining room.” See how much fun we have? Join us now! You never know what funny jokes you might be missing out on.