7 Signs You're a Peecrastinator

Are you as lazy as I am when it comes to getting up to go the bathroom to pee? I mean, I don’t play around when it’s poop time (unless I’m somewhere where I feel extremely uncomfortable about doing it) but when it comes to pee, I’ve always tried to hold it for as long as possible because, let’s be frank, I have to pee a lot and I really just can’t be bothered to go to the bathroom every freaking 18 minutes. Yep, I’m a peecrastinator. Are you?

Here are 7 signs you’re a peecrastinator.

1. You always try to make it to the end of your show without getting up to pee. And then once you get to the end, you weigh how bad you have to go against watching just one more episode first.

2. There’s zero chance you’ll get up to hit the potty in the middle of a book chapter, even if you’re not enjoying the book all that much. And when you get to the end of that chapter, you count the number of pages in the next chapter to see if you think you think your bladder will last for just one more. (I just finished The Widow which reminded me of Gone Girl and Girl on the Train and I just decided to stop drinking while I was reading it so I wouldn’t need to go, it was so good)

3. When you go out drinking (yes, I know this doesn’t happen much anymore now that you have those little party-poppers), you’ll wait until you’re bursting before “breaking the seal” because you know that means you’ll be going constantly from that point on out.

4. You often stand with your legs crossed tightly when you’re chatting on the telephone, washing dishes, cooking, speaking to a neighbor or you know, just standing around – because you don’t want to go to the bathroom!

5. You knew you needed to pee but you thought there was room in your bladder to go at least another 15 minutes and now you’ve sneezed and peed yourself a little bit. (In other words, you’ve snissed yourself).

6. You set goals of being able to make it to your travel destination without stopping to pee once even when your destination is 4 hours away. (This is impossible once you have kids, btw)

7. You need to pee right now but you’re sitting here reading this post instead.

I know they say holding it when you feel the need to go is bad for your health but let’s be honest – I’m not getting up to pee every 20 minutes unless the need is urgent. Plus, they make all kinds of products to help us peecrastintors now.

For instance, did you know that your vagina can actually lift weights? All by itself! Dr. Toulouse reminds you to start slowly if your vagina hasn’t been working out much lately. You can always build up to shooting ping pong balls out of your vajayjay in due time.

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There are also supplements that are supposed to help, panty liners, and even some kind of special underpants that I think are more or less like those plastic panties you put over your toddler’s underroos when you’re trying to teach him to use the potty.

Of course, I’m going to use none of these things because I’m too lazy to get up and go pee. What makes you think I have enough gumption to get out of the house and buy any of these things? Oh wait, I have amazon prime. Maybe I’ll give those kegel weights a try. Nah, better just order a box of Depends.
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You may ask yourself, can she really be that lazy and I’ll answer you. Yes, I can. I’ve had to pee the ENTIRE time I’ve been writing this post and I’m still gonna sit here and create a graphic for it, and maybe even publish it and share it on social media before I go. Now that’s a professional peecrastintor for you.

All you peecrastinors and even you non lazy people who get up and go when you need to, subscribe to the blog to receive new posts in your inbox (just 1-2 per week – so perfect for your lazy ass). If you subscribe, we’d love to give you one of our Honest Wine Labels for Moms downloadables for FREE, just for subscribing.