It’s time for my (semi) monthly roundup of the funniest mom blogs I’ve read lately. I’ve been running around the internet collecting the most hilarious posts for you and here are the ones that stood out in this hot sweaty month of June. Get a glass of sangria, hold the neck of your shirt out and fan those boobs and get to reading.
But first, can I ask a favor? I’m one of 6 nominees as the best blog in Mobile, AL’s Nappie Awards. I’ve been back in Mobile for a year and a half and although I know my readers are from all around the world, it feels good to be welcomed home with this nomination. If you wouldn’t mind voting for me, I’ll love you forever.
And if you have some time on your hands (because what parent doesn’t? Ha!), you can vote once every hour. Just click here, scroll down to Best Website or Blog and then click on Toulouse & Tonic. (You will have to sign in but they won’t be sending you any email. It’s just for the contest – which ends July 13). Thank you so much. Now on to the funny.
Do you think dad even looks at the labels on his beer before he grabs one? Well, if he doesn’t, he should start and here’s why. I’ve created Honest Beer Labels for Dads. What could be better than choosing your beer by the reason you’re drinking? My husband’s favorite beer is definitely “Kicked in the Balls while Wrestling.” Because, duh?! That shit hurts and I will never ever understand it because I don’t have balls (and maybe that’s why I usually laugh when he gets kicked there). (Check out Honest Wine Labels for Moms while you’re at it).
Being pregnant is hard, y’all. Lying in your own smeared poop while pregnant is hysterical. Well, not at the time. But now, yo. The Day I Pooped My Closet by Beth Woolsey.
A while back I shared a piece my husband had forwarded to me about how hot our husbands think we are and how we don’t believe it. It changed the way I thought … for about 2 days. Then I went back to thinking my stomach is too squishy and my thighs are too big. But then, This Post Is Going To Embarrass My Husband (by Mom of 4 is Tired) happened. It’s amazing – not just the message but the writing. Go. Read it. Now. Share it with the beautiful women you know, which is to say, all of them.
Someone you might not be reading but you should is my friend, Janel at 649point133.com. She is foul-mouthed, she is funny as hell, and she will say anything. Right now I’m in love with this summer-perfect post called A Letter to My Neighbors, Now That My Windows are Open. Read it, you’ll thank me.
I love this post from Jen Hatmaker on the Today blog:
What would my mom do? Drink Tab and Lock us Outside. That is exactly what my mom would’ve done. Summer, as it should be. Are you listening, boys? If you’re not, who cares? You’re locked outside.
Then there’s The Craziest Baby Names of 2014 from People I Want To Punch In The Throat. And yes, Payshance is one of them. Say it out loud a few time and you’ll get it. Why people want to needlessly complicate things for their kids? I know one character trait Payshance is going to be lacking … umm, you get it, right?
Remember when “roaming” while on the phone meant however many steps you could take before the cord reached its boundaries? Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms Does and she takes us from that to The Worst Ways To Answer Texts in 2 Words or Less just like that. Wanna know how she does it? Well, go on then. Read it.
My friend The Fordeville Diaries wrote this awesome post about her third child. It’s irresistible, I tell you. Go have a laugh about how The 3rd Child Will Be Mellow And Other Lies People Tell. You’ll find out why a colander sometimes makes the best soothie.
Would you change your nickname if your niece was calling you Aunt Anal? I sure as hell would. Read about that and a ton of other seriously LOL things kids say wrong in this post (by moi but mostly by my readers).
Also THIS graphic. Someone GETS me. Finally. I wish I knew who it was.
Thanks for hanging out and laughing with us. Go give me a quick vote in the Nappies (and maybe vote for my hairdresser Phrankey Lowery while you’re there so he’ll keep making my hair its VERY natural color of blond for me) and then follow along on Facebook where I post funny stuff from myself and other people all the time!