How To Sabotage the 3-Day Potty Training Method in 2 Days or Less

In honor (actually in horror) of the fact that I’m entering the potty training phase with child number 2 (heehee, I said #2), I thought it was time for me to reshare this little gem with you from my first potty-training attempt with Asher, when he was 2. We tried the 3 day potty training method.  This is his guest post and he didn’t think the 3 day potty training method was worth even 2 days of his time. Actually, neither did I.  Read on for his brilliant thoughts.

How to sabotage the 3 day potty training method in 2 days or less - @toulousentonic

*post may contain affiliate links

If you really want your mommy and daddy to give up on toilet training fast, urge them to try the 3 day potty training method, in which you’re naked from the waist down for 3 days. Using my methods below, I guarantee they’ll give up before the 2nd day ends.

Dear fellow toddlers:

1. Do not register in any way, shape or form that you’re bottomless. Go about your normal business. #1 and #2.

2. Sit on your cute little potty for half an hour releasing no bodily fluids, then stand up, walk 2 feet and pee on top of a pile of blocks.

3. Wait until your parents turn their backs for 10 seconds after watching your every move all day then poop on the floor and scream, “Uh-oh!” Go back to playing.

4. Complete half of a wooden zoo-animals puzzle while sitting on the floor, then fill the empty animal slots with pee-pee.  Sit in the surrounding puddle and make animal sounds.

5. When your parents make you sit on the potty, chant, “I awnt down, I awnt down, I awnt down,” until they lose their minds. Switch to yelling it while fake-crying.

6. When forced to sit on the potty, drive it around the house like a car.

Drive that potty chair!

7. Show no modesty. Play with your hot wheels cars in a doggy play-bow position with your booty-hole in the air and your privates dangling between your legs.

8. Angrily say “NO” to the question, “Do you need to potty?” then pause while climbing the stairs to drop a load. Continue climbing as if nothing happened.

Remember, mommy and daddy are putting up with a whole lot of doo-doo. Make sure they have a couple bottles of wine or some hard liquor in the house before you flush their dreams with my proven techniques that will sabotage the 3 day potty training method in no time flat.
Good luck.

Asher (2 years old and back in diapers in 27 hours flat)

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  1. Ahhh….the beauty of diapers!! Look at it this way….no public style restrooms for him for a while!

  2. that was funny as shit!!!

  3. Ashley Trice says:

    Do not look forward to those days! Too funny!

  4. LMAO!!! No pun intended!

  5. You’ll never guess how stressful and exhausting it is to watch someone’s privates all day long just waiting for something to come out. Especially when they’re working against you.

  6. Mary Ellen Becker says:

    I’ll bet Asher can’t wait until he’s about 13-years old and some girl he’s likes reads this, or better yet, ahem, gets a load of this.

  7. haha! I can’t exactly relate, because it was way easier for us, but I did often wonder “I don’t teach any 8-year-olds who wear diapers, do I?” I don’t, so don’t stress too much. he’ll be so ready someday and you’ll probably be quite sad. I always feel like I’m pushing so hard for the next big milestone and when we get there I’m almost devestatingly nostalgic for the good-ole’, simpler times. Aah, life. *takes a long, solemn swig from a glass of red wine*

    • I am happy to wait until he’s ready, now that he’s taught me the lesson. So what if he’s the biggest kid in diapers everywhere we go? I’ll just say he’s only 14 months old and big for his age. ; )

  8. Love it all ;o)

  9. My potty training technique worked like a charm- let day care handle it.

  10. My kids weren’t trained until about 3+ (for the first one I just KNEW she would be going to kindergarten in diapers). My mother was all over me about it because, apparently, I was a potty prodigy. She claims I was less than a year old when I was “trained”. Granted, I was walking at 8 months, but seriously? Potty-trained? I was pre-verbal FFS!) I ask you, if you have to spend every waking moment watching for “the look”, rush the kid to the toilet, take down the pants, etc. who is really the one trained?
    For my second daughter, I was convinced she would be in high school in diapers. She wanted nothing to do with it. Nothing. She was old enough that I tried bribing her with the promise of a two-wheeler! Her response? “That’s okay, I’ll just use Stephen’s.” (a neighbor kid)
    Then one day, it was all over. They were just doing it. I’m happy to say none of then went to school in diapers.

    • My oldest took a long time to become trained and it taught me that I should’ve just waited until he was ready. With the 2nd one, I just refuse to push him. He’s doing it about 1/3 of the time every day and I,like you, figure it’ll come in time.

  11. Why not make him clean up his own mess, so he won’t want to keep doing it everywhere?

    • Not a bad tip, except that he was 2 and wouldn’t have done it. But ya know what? He’s 7 now and he eventually got potty trained even though the 3 day method didn’t work for us at all. 🙂

  12. You don’t know how much I needed this chuckle today! Thank you! I am near the beginning of potty training my 3yr old twin boys. I was waiting for the “signs ” so we could begin. My boys like to sit on the potty but not do anything and they LOVE washing their hands but as soon as we pull up their underpants… It’s like a signal gets sent to their brain that that is when it’s time to go potty. So today I think I have spent more time cleaning up accidents than anything else. I can’t wait until we get to the part where I get to look back and laugh. 🙂

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