How To Sabotage the 3-Day Potty Training Method in 2 Days or Less


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In honor (actually in horror) of the fact that I’m entering the potty training phase with child number 2 (heehee, I said #2), I thought it was time for me to reshare this little gem with you from my first potty-training attempt with Asher, when he was 2.  This is his guest post and he didn’t think the 3 day potty training method was worth even 2 days of his time. Actually, neither did I.  Read on for his brilliant thoughts.

If you really want your mommy and daddy to give up on toilet training fast, urge them to try the 3 day potty training technique, in which you’re naked from the waist down for 3 days. Using my methods below, I guarantee they’ll give up before the 2nd day ends.How to sabotage the 3 day potty training method in 2 days or less - @toulousentonicDear fellow toddlers:

1. Do not register in any way, shape or form that you’re bottomless. Go about your normal business. #1 and #2.

2. Sit on the potty for half an hour releasing no bodily fluids, then stand up, walk 2 feet and pee on top of a pile of blocks.

3. Wait until your parents turn their backs for 10 seconds after watching your every move all day then poop on the floor and scream, “Uh-oh!” Go back to playing.

4. Complete half of a wooden zoo-animals puzzle while sitting on the floor, then fill the empty animal slots with pee-pee.  Sit in the surrounding puddle and make animal sounds.

5. When your parents make you sit on the potty, chant, “I awnt down, I awnt down, I awnt down,” until they lose their minds. Switch to yelling it while fake-crying.

6. When forced to sit on the potty, drive it around the house like a car.

Drive that potty chair!

7. Show no modesty. Play with your hot wheels cars in a doggy play-bow position with your booty-hole in the air and your privates dangling between your legs.

8. Angrily say “NO” to the question, “Do you need to potty?” then pause while climbing the stairs to drop a load. Continue climbing as if nothing happened.

Remember, mommy and daddy are putting up with a whole lot of doo-doo. Make sure they have a couple bottles of wine or some hard liquor in the house before you flush their dreams with my proven techniques.
Good luck.

Asher (2 years old and back in diapers in 27 hours flat)

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  1. Ahhh….the beauty of diapers!! Look at it this way….no public style restrooms for him for a while!

  2. that was funny as shit!!!

  3. Ashley Trice says:

    Do not look forward to those days! Too funny!

  4. LMAO!!! No pun intended!

  5. You’ll never guess how stressful and exhausting it is to watch someone’s privates all day long just waiting for something to come out. Especially when they’re working against you.

  6. Mary Ellen Becker says:

    I’ll bet Asher can’t wait until he’s about 13-years old and some girl he’s likes reads this, or better yet, ahem, gets a load of this.

  7. haha! I can’t exactly relate, because it was way easier for us, but I did often wonder “I don’t teach any 8-year-olds who wear diapers, do I?” I don’t, so don’t stress too much. he’ll be so ready someday and you’ll probably be quite sad. I always feel like I’m pushing so hard for the next big milestone and when we get there I’m almost devestatingly nostalgic for the good-ole’, simpler times. Aah, life. *takes a long, solemn swig from a glass of red wine*

    • I am happy to wait until he’s ready, now that he’s taught me the lesson. So what if he’s the biggest kid in diapers everywhere we go? I’ll just say he’s only 14 months old and big for his age. ; )

  8. Love it all ;o)

  9. My potty training technique worked like a charm- let day care handle it.
    nicole recently posted…Yorkie Doodle Dandy Virtual Run RecapMy Profile

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