Mommy, Will You Marry Me?

At their request, I was wrestling with the boys last night and they said they wanted to “double team” me. Ick. That reminded me of this post so I thought I’d share it with you again.
Mommy, will you marry me? The sweet but creepy things little boys say to their moms. - Toulouse & TonicLast night, my kindergartner offered me a garish pink ring with a big crown on it and asked me to marry him.  If I’m being honest here (honesty is important in a marriage), the ring isn’t really to my taste.  But nevertheless, I found the whole proposal just beautiful.

And kinda creepy.

So I asked some of my friends to share the sweet-but-creepy things their little boys have said to them.

Prepare to laugh.  And shudder.

Anna of My Random Handprints reported that her son also proposed to her but he went an icky step further and suggested that his sisters would make delightful flower girls.

fake pink engagement ring, @toulouseNtonic

Jessica of Four Plus An Angel can still hear her son’s voice echoing in her ears and feel the douche-chills creeping up her pelvic region.  Her boy was listening to a heartbeat sound in a display at a science center and yelled across the room, “MOM, this thing sounds just like your BOOB!”

Once, when Rebecca of Frugalista Blog was getting dressed in her bedroom, her 4-year-old son walked in, rubbed her leg and said, “You’re so soft and pretty.”  Awwww. Ewwwww!

Kerry of Housetalkn‘s boy had a special way of requesting she get sporty with him:  “I ball you, mommy?”

Ninja Mom’s son has a bit of an oral fixation on her.  He enjoys surreptitiously licking her and when she asks him to stop, he says, “I like to taste you, mommy.”

And while we’re on sons using their senses in creepy ways on their moms, Anna of My Life and Kids 5-year-old constantly asks if he can smell her.  He also requests to PLEASE play with his penis in the family room.  Please God let those 2 sentences not be uttered back-to-back.

The same kid who just proposed to me once looked up when I was taking my bra off in my bedroom, yelled “UH-OH!” at the top of his lungs and ran over, put his hands under my boobs and pushed them back up where’d they’d been.

The entire 8 months I was pumping breastmilk for his baby brother, he constantly asked me to “Show him my boobie,” and then to “show him my other boobie.”  (He had follow-up comments too – you can read them here.)

And yesterday, he came into the bathroom with a digital camera while I was showering and started snapping pictures of me.  When I yelled for him to stop, he giggled mischievously, changed angles and took some more.

Okay, I’m tossing it to you.  (ohdearlord please do not let “tossing” be one of the things a son has said to his mother.)

What ya got?

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  1. When I’m carrying my daughter on my hip, she likes to put her hand in my bra and cup my left boob. Never my right boob. It creeps me out, especially when she tries to do it when we’re in public. But, for once in my life, I feel like the saying “anything more than a handful is a waste” might actually be true.

    • I see the sweet-but-creepy sometimes applies to daughters too, eh? Both my boys are kind of obsessed with my boobs but even they don’t just cup them while we’re walking around. Maybe she can’t wait to get her own? ; )

    • HAHA! My 3year old daughter does that too!

  2. My son was a baby he used to love to play with my hair when he was falling asleep. Now, years later (he’s 14) he will occasionally walk past me after I get out of the shower and smell my hair and declare that my hair smells good. Little creepy sometimes. 🙂

  3. I love your blog, every single post is always worth a laugh! Also glad I don’t have any kids yet, I don’t know if I could handle it with a straight face!

    • Some day maybe it’ll be easier for you since you’re reading all this stuff now and won’t be quite so shocked when your kid says, “Mommy, I ball you,” one day.

  4. My boy used to want to marry only me, but lately he’s been more interested in setting up house with his sister. They’ve actually gotten married, AND renewed their vows in a lovely living room ceremony. Sure I’m jealous, but I guess he got tired of me stringing him along.

  5. My son is fascinated with my boobs. I haven’t nursed him since he was six month old. But he calls them his “Ba Ba’s” and is always looking for an opportunity to cop a feel.

    • I keep thinking that our son’s boob preferences must be shaped by their relationship with ours. Mine were both so overwhelmingly big, I’m pretty sure my sons will either like stripper-sized mammaries or completely flat-chested chicks. Your son’s girlfriends will no doubt be highly turned on by hearing him call their boobs “ba ba’s”

  6. You just made me that much happier that I have girls, while my younger is screaming for the 50th time today as I type this, lol!!

    • Who screams more? Boys or girls? Cuz my boy does a pretty good job of screaming like a girl. Hmmm, maybe it’ll be better after voice change? But then I’ll have to deal with the hormones…sigh.

  7. My son is only two and his vocabulary isn’t large enough to cause douche-chills (yet), but he often looks at me suggestively, and asks “Wanna eesh?”

    And sometimes, while we’re “eeshing,” he blows raspberries on my boob.

    “Eesh” means “nurse.” Get your mind out of the gutter!

  8. So funny and I’m glad it’s not just me!

  9. Sonny boy (3) like to “touch tummies” which involves yanking my shirt up and rubbing his naked belly on mine. This started when I was pregnant with his sister. To try and help him understand the “baby in da tummy concept” I would tell him to press his tiny tummy against my gargantuan-ness which would stimulate baby girl to kick the shit out of whatever was invading her womb space. He loved it. Fast forward to 15 months later and now it’s just getting to be wrong… especially when he says “I wike touching tummies cause it’s warm and wiggley, Mommy…. Can I take my underwear off?” Yeek! No! We’re done!

  10. This article made me cringe and laugh at the same time. I’m sure it is just a matter of time before my son proposes to my wife with a ring pop.

    • He will, and the worst part for you is that he’ll be wishing you out of the picture. But stay hopeful. One day, he’ll think marrying his mom is totally icky and you’ll be back in like flynn.

  11. Both of my sons (ages 8 and 9) call my boobs “those things”. Recently they asked if daddy likes “those things cause we do too”. Ick. Double ick.

  12. My youngest used to try to steal my sweater (the one I use as an all purpose bathrobe) and pillows all the time – because he could smell me on them.

  13. I only have girls, but listen to this one. When my older daughter was 5 and I was pregnant and trying to explain in BASIC terms how the baby got in my tummy, I said something like “The daddy fertilizes the egg in the mommy’s tummy” and she says, “Oh. So will Daddy fertilize the egg in MY tummy?” Oh lord. I may have to use that one in a post one day. When I can tell it again without throwing up in my mouth.

  14. My son is 4 and is constantly asking me to tell him the story about when he was, “born out of my vagina.” Can we just drop the out of my vagina part? Douche-chills, indeed.

    • ashersmom says:

      Mine haven’t picked up “vagina” yet but it’s only a matter of time. The oldest one just says that daddy has a wee-wee and mommy only has a booty. HAA

  15. Haha! Loved this! Just yesterday I was explaining to my single friend how I felt “violated” by my almost four year old daughter. She was forcefully weaned 2 years ago because I was diagnosed with cancer. This has led to some interesting moments that STILL happen including… “mommy, I miss your boobies. Can I just rub ’em” and jewels such as “I promise I won’t sip, I just wanna kiss ’em” and a sly nuzzle followed by “mmmm…they still smell like milk.” ACK!! Comforting and hilarious to know I’m not the only one!

  16. I can NOT stop laughing. I keep lamenting that my 1.5 year old son doesn’t talk yet. Thank you all for helping me understand the reprieve.

    • ashersmom says:

      You’ll get there. Get ready for lots of douche-chills. I say write them all down so you can embarrass him with them later!

  17. My 3 year old son comes up behind me as I’m doing my makeup and bites my butt. No clue where he got it from or why he thinks it’s so funny (I sure don’t). Almost every time, he finds it hilarious and runs off laughing. I told my family and they didn’t believe me until he did it to my sister and my MIL.

  18. My 7 year old likes to follow me around with his hands on my butt cheeks singing odes to my derriere “Squishy, so squishy, I love my momma’s squishy butt”

  19. My six year old tell me that it’s ok if he hugs me while he is naked because when he was in my tummy he was naked, too.

  20. I am glad to know that I am not alone in the fact that my boys like to taste me too.

    It makes me feel a wee bit better.

  21. My son just told me he was going to marry me when he grew up. I said, “What about Papa?” And so he said he’d marry him, too.

  22. I have a 4-month-old boy and am dying with laughter here! So this is what I have to look forward to…interesting. That helpful boob lift made me laugh hysterically and I had to explain my cackling to my husband, who burst out laughing too when I read it to him.

    I found you through the Sisterhood of Sensible Moms linky – I liked the post you linked so much I started reading around. Love your style and I’m signing up for more.

  23. Ok, so it’s not just him? I nursed my son until he was 18 months, and when we weaned, he replaced that comfort with sticking his hand down my shirt. Now at almost 2 1/2 we talk about how boobies are private. He still feels the need to tell me often, “Mommy, I like your boobies. Can I touch them?” I think it’s funny, it drives my husband crazy and makes my 6 year old scream “ew”! My 6 year old saying “ew” is enough of a reaction to then make the 2 year old laugh and keep talking about my boobies.

  24. Elizabeth says:

    The other day I was pouring warm water over my 6 yr old son’s shoulders while he was in the bath. His comment during this, “Oh yeah, baby!”

  25. I nursed both my daughters for a year and had no problems. My 10 month old son is always trying to creep on me to nurse. He tries to rip off my shirt or latch on to any of my exposed skin. His favorite thing to do while nursing is to fondle and pinch my other nipple, it is really disturbing. I try to block his little hands but he is relentless, I am not looking forward to weaning him in 2 months (but I really am).

    • I’m laughing! Don’t worry, you are not alone! My son is 20 months old, still nursing & does the exact same thing 😛

  26. Thank God! I am not alone! Is a relief to know that my 7yr old is not the only one obsessed with my boobs and butt, jajaja! All this began since he was like 2 years old, he just loved to slide his hand under my shirt and bra each time he remembered that there was something under there, and I think that he found that much more pleasant when he had the oportunity to do it in public.

    When he was 5yrs old I got The Proposal and of course a cute plastic ring just for me, then, while sliding the ring on my finger He said: “I am taking you, my Princess”. That was sweet.

    Now he continue cupping my boobs, but also he likes to spank me sometimes or hug me while touching my butt. But wait! I have a good one to remember, I was laying in my bed under the covers watching tv, when he came and told me “Mommy I am cold, can you hold me under the covers? That sounds cute, “Sure! I said”, a minute later I was hugging him and then he told me “Baby you are hot”. Douche-chills or what!

  27. I snorted coffee out of my nose! This is wonderful!!!

    My son is now 12 and some of the comments we make to each other are …. strange. Wanting to be the open minded all loving mom, when I found out he had a crush, I asked what “his or her name is?” You should have seen his face. “Mom – I likes girls.” Okay. “Not like you though, you’re mom my and that’s sort of sick.”

    Ummmm….I think he missed the point.

  28. Daughters do all this to their moms too, but it’s mercifully so much less creepy. My eldest would try to nurse whenever she saw me without a top until she turned 8. Though she did ask to marry her dad, not me, when she was about 3 or 4. But that was just plain sweet.

  29. My 2.5 y/o son has taken a recent interest in licking. He came to me the other day and said, “Mommy, open your mouth so I can lick your tongue.” Ummm…no.

  30. My 5.5 yr old son told me last week that he wanted to bring my boobs in for show and tell. The funny/sad thing is that we share the same disturbed sense of humor. I laughed.

  31. I was drying off after a shower and my son came up and rubbed my butt while saying “I like your bottom mommy.” Eww and well thanks. But mostly ewwwwww!

  32. So my 3(almost 4yo) is convinced that my mom had a penis and it fell off I keep trying to explain to him that mom-mom is a girl and never had one. he went to my moms for the weekend and she had a dinner party and he thought it would be a great idea to ask her at a table full of people why her penis fell off and where did it go…my mom now thinks I put this into his strange little head.
    The creepiest thing he did though was in the shower a while ago. I was in a rush so I let him shower with me, he was sitting on the tub floor while I was rinsing my hair all of a sudden he started rubbing my leg from my ankle to my but. I was really freaked out. Needless to say he showers alone now 🙂

  33. My 6 year old likes to hang around the bathroom door while I’m showering and wait for me to get out and towel off. He giggles while I dry, so I can only imagine what’s going through his little boy brain. He takes after his dad’s side of the looney bin.

  34. My 5 yr old son often says he wants to marry me but recently he said he wanted to marry a girl “just like you mommy, but with a hat”

  35. Once when my son was a baby and I was getting dressed with him in the room, I caught him staring at my boobs. Then he looked right at me and lifted his eyebrows suggestively. My husband was in the room and without skipping a beat, he shrugged and said, “what can I say? We’re hard wired to like boobies.”

  36. Thankfully this didn’t happen to me, but to a friend. Her son, who was nearly 3, had an infection around his foreskin and his Mom had to apply a cream to it 3 times a day. One time he cooed to her… “Oooh Mommy, that feels good.” She may have actually thrown up…

    My 3.5yo boy did announce to me in the grocery store last week (at the top of his lungs of course) that his penis was getting really big, could I help him please? Uh, hmmmmmm…

  37. My now 13 yr. old would die if he knew I was typing this, but…when he was 3 he was looking at a sonogram picture of himself, and looked at me and said,”the next time I am inside there, I’m taking a flashlight!” I had to chuckle, but then as I started thinking on it…eww factor kicked in 🙂

  38. My nephew had a bad diaper rash on his penis that was really painful. As my sister was changing his diaper, he asked if she would kiss it and make it better.

  39. My 4 year old just came up to me and said “mom I’m going to squish your boob! ” I then spent a minute holding him off with one arm while he shouted boobs boobs boobs….

  40. It’s too bad you have to take cute, innocent things from the mouths of babes and label them as “creepy”. Children are sweet and are so sincere when they say these things. I love it when my three little boys ask to marry me. The older two have since grown out of it, like they all will, and I miss their little innocence! And why are you showing your boys your boobs anyway? Talk about creepy!

  41. I breastfed my youngest son. I tried not to make a big deal of it so my other children wouldn’t either. Well, my older son comes up to me while I’m feeding the baby and says, “Mom, can I have some of your milk for my cereal?” Oh, and he was 6 at the time. I thought it was hilarious. And creepy.

  42. WTH is a douche-chill????

  43. Jennifer Johnson says:

    My son will grab my face and kiss. Very cute until he tries to put his tongue in my mouth.

  44. Just this evening while I was changing my almost three year old ran in the room and spanked me and said “I’m going to get that butt!”
    This makes me wonder, when should I start locking the door?

  45. I am ROFLMAO!!! My 2(almost 3) yr old son always runs up behind me and shoves his face in my butt. I think it’s called ‘goosed’ and he runs off laughing like a maniac. All 3 of my kids were and are obsessed with my boobs. My baby princess is 18m and every night when I’m rocking her, she pulls my shirt down and just gapes, dumbfounded at my bra and then tries to reach in…weirdo 😉

    • Both of my boys still try to get looks at my boobs. Just the other day the baby came running into the room with my bra in his hand yelling, “boobies!!!”

  46. One of my daughters, at about age 4, was riding with me in my truck. She announced that when she grows up she wants to be a man. “Why do you want to be a man?”, I ask. She replies, “So that I can have a car AND a truck!”

  47. …and for those of you who don’t know her personally, “Toulouse” has always had “noticable” boobs. Yeah, they got noticed…

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