Sometimes I miss the old days where my New Year’s celebration ended with my head in the toilet from drinking too much champagne instead of my kid’s head in the toilet because he’s caught yet another stomach virus. Either way there’s vomit involved but at least I had earned it the fun way before kids.
Mike agrees and so he’s written a fun post to compare New Year’s Eve PK (pre kid) and AR (After Kids). Like you need reminding. But read on, because I’m sure you could use a laugh as you sit around watching the ball drop on TV in your pjs.
There was a time some years back in the BK (Before Kids) Era in which New Years was a “get dressed up, out of control partying, drink to you puke, stay up all night, kiss anything moving, plant your ass on the couch the next morning all day and watch football nursing the mother of all hangovers swearing you would never do that again” event. But now you have reached the Era of AK (After Kids). Well, no worries, party animals! All this means is that there is New Year’s Eve fun to be had – it is just a little different now!
BK – You would begin pre-gaming for New Year’s Eve the eve before the actual New Year’s Eve.
AK – The only gaming you are going to be doing is the 4395th game of Candy Land, and losing on purpose.
BK – You try on a million outfits finally ending up putting the most beautiful and sexy outfit you can find, looking like you are right out of a Macy’s catalog only to have it puked on by your friend as you hold her hair by the porcelain god.
AK – You get to try on a million shirts because your little bundle of joy pukes on you every hour as you rock them into New Years.
BK – You are just getting started at midnight – time to party until the wee hours of the morning.
AK – you are just getting started at midnight. You napped for 20 minutes from 8-8:20 and now your little one wants to “party” all night like a rock star.
BK – You sit back with your spouse and enjoy a quiet evening watching the ball drop in New York City.
AK – You sit back with your spouse and enjoy the video of the ball drop from New York City. The volume on your TV won’t go loud enough to cancel out the game of hide and seek going on around you.
BK – You enjoy Cristal champagne in a commemorative New Year’s Eve champagne flute.
AK – You still enjoy a cold beverage out of a commemorative champagne flute but now it is one from 2002 filled with perfectly chilled Hawaiian Punch as you sit at a miniature table with your clan of preschoolers who are laughing, burping and sporting red lips like a baboon’s ass.
BK – You enjoy a 10oz filet topped with crabmeat and béarnaise with a side of sautéed spinach and loaded baked potato at a very high end restaurant to ring in the new year.
AK – You enjoy a 10 count McNuggets with a delectable barbeque dipping sauce and any fries leftover from your 2 year old glad to not have clean up the morsel mess under their high chair at this “high end” establishment.
BK – You begin reviewing your list of resolutions for the New Year.
AK – You only have one thing on your resolution list this year. No sex – you don’t want to create another one of these spawn’s of the devil who constantly interrupts your conversations.
BK – You wake up on New Year’s Day feeling like you were beat up and smelling like a dumpster from all the drinks that you consumed.
AK – You wake up on New Year’s Day feeling like you were beat up (you were from your 3 year old kicking you in the ribs all night) and smelling like a dumpster (his 20 pound disintegrating diaper is right next to your face).
BK – At midnight you get to kiss a special someone
AK – At midnight you still get to kiss a special someone. It’s just that they are a lot, lot younger
Read more of Mike’s What He Said posts here.
And Happiest of New Year’s to you. Follow along on Facebook to laugh with us through 2015.