The Elf on the Shelf is Dead

elf on the shelf, shenanigans, making messes, naughtyWe are gathered together today to pay tribute to one of the fallen, Mr. Jingles.  He was very special to us and even though we were blessed to have him for only a short time, he made a lasting impact.

I remember when I first met Mr. Jingles.  It was about a week and a half ago.  It’s a funny story because as you’ll see, it shows that Mr. Jingles was an elf with a jolly sense of humor.  Our family woke up the morning after Thanksgiving and as we all had a leisurely breakfast in our pjs, one of the kids looked up at the cabinet above the refrigerator, pointed and let out a blood-curdling scream.  The baby followed the older one’s finger up to the elf’s resting place and began to wail.  Certain that a rabid bat had found its way into our house, I started, spilling my coffee down the entire front of my pajamas.  My husband immediately grabbed a butcher knife and fell into some sort of karate pose.

But it turns out, it was only Mr. Jingles, who’d been assigned to our home for the first time, making an entrance.

Hahaha.  I laugh every time I think about it.  He really gave us a start that morning, silly elf.

He had a sense of humor, oh yes he did.  But there are many other things we can say about good old Jingles.

He brought so much enthusiasm to his work.  Oh it took him a few days to come out of his shell, that’s for sure.  At first, he simply sat on the shelf and smiled down at us, leaving to report to Santa every night and showing back up in a new place every morning.  The kids would wake up and run all over the house until they found his new perch, then giggle with delight as we ruminated on what report he’d given to old Kris Kringle the night before.

But then as he got to know us, he began to let down his guard and truly share his weaknesses with us as well as his strengths.

One morning I found Mr. Jingles in the middle of a bunch of flour on the kitchen counter.

The elf on the shelf, flour, snow angel, messI was flummoxed.  It seemed that between the time he left for the North Pole and returned in the early morning hours, the silly elf had accidentally knocked over our entire container of flour.  Oh but he made the best of it because that’s the way he was!  <sniff, sniff>  Mr. Jingles playfully made a snow angel in the flour much to the kids’ delight.

Well, isn’t that festive, I said to myself as I made my third pass wiping up the sticky flour from the counter.

That night, I made sure Mr. Jingles’ suit was free of flour before I tucked him on a branch of the Christmas tree for a quick flight back to the North Pole.

The next morning, I wandered into the kitchen for coffee shortly after 6:30am.  I didn’t see him at first in my morning haze but then my eyes zeroed in on something shiny and green.

Naughty elf on the shelf in glitter messMr. Jingles was sitting in the middle of a giant mess of green glitter.  I couldn’t believe my eyes.  Our adorable elf, in the midst of trying to create a fun crafty surprise for my children, had spilled the glitter and then, clearly, tried very hard to clean it up in his own clumsy way.

Just then, the children ran downstairs and seeing the glitter, pounced on it, spreading it to the far reaches of our home and their nether regions.

Don’t you just love glitter?  I’ll think of this happy memory every time I find a piece of green glitter in my rug for the next 25 years.

A few mornings later, after cleaning up several more messes from our well-meaning but clumsy elf, the reason that he’d been reassigned to us from his last family became clear.

Mr. Jingles was once again struggling with his own personal demons.

And I knew what I had to do.  I sent Mr. Jingles on his merry way.

It was hard sitting the kids down that morning to explain why Mr. Jingles wasn’t’ sitting on our kitchen counter in the middle of a pile of chocolate pudding and half-naked Barbies like the morning before.

I told them solemnly about his mid-air collision with a Boeing 747 the night before on his return to the North Pole, and how he gotten sucked into the engine and spat back out in a million tiny pieces of shredded polyester.

“But don’t be sad, children,” I said.  ”Mr. Jingles fell to earth like Christmas snow and because he’s made of non-biodegradable material, he’ll be with us all forever and ever and ever.”

Amen.

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  1. Ha! Finally, a story of one of those creepy elves I like!
    Karen Sanders recently posted…Thanksgiving 2013My Profile

  2. I am impressed he lasted that long! I’d have deep fried him and served him with a side of sweet and sour sauce after the flour incident! Mmmm sweet and sour, guess I just decided what’s for dinner.
    The Mean Mama recently posted…Shephards as Mid-Wives?My Profile

  3. Anonymous says:

    I don’t get all the elf hate.

  4. That last comment was from me! I love the elf! Don’t get all the hate.

  5. This is my kind of elf story!

  6. …..sucked…..into…..airplane…..engine.

    “OH KIDS!! I have some BAD NEWS TO TELL YOU!!!”
    Kristi recently posted…I Promise You. They Were Worth Having In The HouseMy Profile

  7. Damn, you can tell a funny story. And glitter IS the devil, the elf was just his minion. Ellen
    Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms recently posted…Yarn Pintershizz is the BombMy Profile

  8. Oh my gosh this is hilarious, I love the text with your glitter pic. He deserved the 747.
    Jessica recently posted…BlurMy Profile

  9. These elves are such hypocrites. Watching the children, reporting on their misbehavior to Santa, and then goading them on by making so much mischief and not cleaning up their messes. I don’t think they report to Santa. I think they report to Satan. They are little minions of Satan, trying to tempt our children to do evil so they can keep all of Santa’s toys for themselves.

    Our Elf, “Magic John,” is a boozer, btw.
    Kylie recently posted…No More SilenceMy Profile

  10. Not glitter. Anything but glitter. Rest in pieces, elf.
    Bad Parenting Moments recently posted…We got the tree…and shit.My Profile

  11. This is so funny! I love what you said about glitter–so flipping true! I wish our elf would go ahead and die already.
    hillary recently posted…More is betterDec 09thMy Profile

  12. My boyfriend would SERIOUSLY kill me if I HAD a jar of glitter, let alone spilled it all over, in the name of Christmas and that sassy elf. The only glitter in our home is on the Christmas ornaments that are grandfathered in on the you-had-it-before-you-met-me clause.
    Quirky Chrissy recently posted…How to Sneakily Wrap a PresentMy Profile

  13. These graphics = PERFECTION. Love. Please come handle The Elf situation in my house.
    Meredith recently posted…The VonTrapps Take DowningtownMy Profile

  14. Our Elf is not very mischievious. He just sits….on a shelf. A different shelf every day….if we remember….but nothing more creative then perhaps in a decorative glass vase. And I guess the rule is you can’t move him- so when my husband put him on the coffee maker, I had to take matters into my own hands…..
    My Special Kind of Crazy recently posted…The Great Flying With Kids Debate: The Right to an Annoyance Free FlightMy Profile

  15. Just feed him to the dog next time :) http://www.pinterest.com/pin/575757133583430271/

  16. The Elf thing never made it to our home. Good thing too. That guy is bad news.
    Manicmom recently posted…The holidays are not for procrastinatorsMy Profile

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