It’s time for another What He Said by Mike and this time he’s taking on Facebook. While Mike readily admits that he does most of these things too, he doesn’t think that makes any of them less annoying. Read on and let us how many annoying Facebook habits you’re guilty of.
1. Reply fishing – saying something like “I sure wish I hadn’t put that in my mouth” or “that didn’t go the way I thought it would” is just pathetic fishing so that people will ask you what you are talking about or show concern for your situation. Either post the story or shut up.
2. Standing on the Facebook stage to wish your kids a happy birthday – “20 years ago the Lord blessed me with the greatest gift in my life, blah, blah, blah”. We get it – you would actually be a shitty parent if you didn’t think that about your kid. Just be like other people and call your kid to wish them Happy B’Day, no need to let me and everyone else know.
3. Dinner is Served – so you’re out on the town, eating great food, in a trendy restaurant, congrats. You’re having Bobby’s Flay’s chipotle peanut butter infused Tiramisu. Brilliant! You’re the envy of all of us. Now if you were really so happy to show us all your culinary consumptions, how about a shot of the Kroger hot dogs and powder mac ‘n cheese dinner you had going the day before?
4. Tap the brakes – the friend who likes or posts a comment on everything you post – even I know everything I post is not quality so no reason to waste your time and mine by posting on my crappy statement with your equally crappy response or liking everything I write just because we knew each other in high school. Move on.
5. For a good time call – there are some things that are meant for one on one texting or a face to face meeting, not social media. Don’t be ignorant and post a FB status about how your ex is a big whore who is banging everyone. I don’t know what’s going on, I don’t care what’s going on, and …… well, if you have pictures of what’s going on I might be persuaded to follow this thread.
6. The Chameleon – People who change their profile photo all the time – just leave it alone already. I barely remember what you looked like so help a brother out.
7. You have 20,000 unread comments – there just has to be a way to post on a status and then opt out of getting bombarded with other comments posted on the family picture your friend just posted. I just wanted to let you know you have a beautiful family. Plain and simple. I don’t want to get pounded with “You have a beautiful family” comments from your 5000 other friends. After repeated posts from others saying your family is beautiful, I am leaning towards your family not being on the ugly side.
8. Pictures of body parts – Make sure you have good parts before you post them for all to see … no mangled hot dog toes on the beach, your tricked up nails, or your new hairdo because you want friends’ affirmations like “you still got it, girl!” and “so cute!” Seriously, does anyone ever post a picture of their new haircut, and have a friend post an honest comment like “You paid them to do that to your hair?!?!” “You look like shit!” Or maybe that is only my friends.
9. Look How Lucky I Am! – Really ?? You came home from work today and your beloved made you a dinner or mopped the floors for you?!?! Big F’ing whoop !! Some of our spouses do that shit all the time. Face it – you got hitched to the wrong person, so now you are looking to make all your friends think that you didn’t really married a lazy douche by posting that he/she folded your socks today. Good luck dealing with the next 50 years of shit with your mate doing what should be expected of him only one day a year. You want to be truthful ?? Then post the picture of his ever-growing pile of skid marked boxers that you have to wash with the caption “What the hell did I get myself in to ?!?”
10. The Elitist – I’m on Facebook, I generally like Facebook, and I get it – Facebook isn’t for everyone. But to come off as some elitist ass that says “I don’t have time for Facebook”. Really? The impact of the efforts you make during the day are so important that even giving up 15 minutes to cruise Facebook would cause world chaos ?? I don’t think so. There is also the “No, I am not on Facebook. If I wanted to stay in touch with you, I would have kept up with you all these years”. Maybe they didn’t want to keep up with you, ass. If you don’t do Facebook, just say “I am not on Facebook”, no reason to trash people who do.
Alright, which ones are you guilty of? I have to admit that according to Mike’s quiz, I’m not that big of a Facebook asshole. How about you?
Speaking of assholes, you know you don’t want to miss any of Mike’s “What He Said” posts. (Sorry, Mike – just kidding, love ya!). Pop your email into the subscribe box below to get an email whenever a new post appears on this blog. It’s just 1-3 times per week and no spam, ever. Stick around, otherwise we might talk about YOU. ; )
And while we’re talking about Facebook, let’s talk about instagram. Check this out – such a cool way to see behind the scenes of your favorite blogs. I’m doing June 24 if you want see the shit show that is the real Toulouse & Tonic.