Top 10 Sucky Things About Being Married to a Pregnant Woman

After I wrote one of my popular posts, The Top 10 Sucky Things About Being Pregnant, a very old friend, Mike, wrote me to say he’d had a strong reaction to my list.  Such a strong reaction that he’d penned his own version — The Top Ten Sucky Things About Being Married To A Pregnant Woman.

Top 10 Sucky Things about Being Married to a Pregnant Woman (by a very brave man) - Toulouse & Tonic

photo by Mahalie Stackpole

I’d asked my own hubby if he wanted to write something similar and he was justifiably afraid to wade into those waters, especially given my extremely cranky and pregnant self at the time.

So since Mike bravely volunteered to give us the man’s side of this whole pregnancy thing, I thought I’d throw him to the wolves introduce him to my readers.

Just so you know, he must be deeply scarred because he was able to easily access all the sucky things about the other side, even though it’s been a few years for him.

So here it is.

And if you’re currently pregnant and this makes you weepy or irritable, take it out on your own husband. Mike is in hiding.

Top 10 Sucky Things About Being Married to a Pregnant Woman

1. Violent mood swings. Crazy as it seems, that beautiful and sexy woman you married has the strength and stamina of a hungry UFC fighter. During this time she wants things a certain way and if they don’t go her way, hell’s fury will rain down. During our first pregnancy, my wife asked me to vacuum the carpet on a Friday night. I got the vacuum out, but got busy doing something else. Sunday afternoon rolled around and I was parked in front of the TV set watching the Cowboys – vacuum still in the middle of the living room and carpet still untouched. She asked me again to vacuum the carpet. I told her I would after the game was over. The skies started turning black, the wind picked up, and Psycho music started playing. This should’ve tipped me off to what was going to happen next. My beautiful, pregnant bride easily picked up the upright vacuum cleaner with one hand, threw it across the room at me and screamed, “VACUUM THE &%#$*@ CARPET!!!”. She ran out of the room crying and I sat there saying things to myself like “I will be damned someone throws a vacuum cleaner at me and gets away with it,” “Who does she think she is?!?!?”, and “I am married to a crazy bitch!”. Then I vacuumed the carpet for the next 30 minutes.

2. Breastfeeding class. Yep, like many expecting dads I got conned into attending a breastfeeding class on a Saturday, in the fall, during COLLEGE FOOTBALL season. Now, I like boobs as much as the next guy, but come on! 8 hours of instruction and video on how to use these things? I don’t even have them but they seem pretty simple to operate to me. One dad in the class was even asking questions about how his wife should treat her cracked and sore nipples.

3. Compliments that aren’t taken like compliments. Don’t make the mistake of even responding when your wife complains about her body during this period. Just act like you don’t hear it. Any “compliment” you can provide her to make her feel better will be taken out of context and placed in the same category as a quote from Bin Laden. A warning from my personal experience – when walking through the mall, be sure to avoid the trap of “Do I look as pregnant as her?”. The best thing to do in that case is run aimlessly through the mall screaming that your balls are on fire – much less traumatic for you.

4. Baby showers. One of the biggest whips there is. Nothing like going to a party (usually scheduled during a much-anticipated sporting event) with a bunch of people you don’t know, giving you a bunch of shit you could care less about, and NO ALCOHOL to make it all better. Brutal. And you have to sit there and open all the “gifts” and smile like you got the most precious nugget of gold or best bottle of bourbon which incidentally is NOT what you got. And the stories being told – find your happy place and quick. By the third kid, I was like Rain Man at these things.

5. Attending doctor’s visits. It’s something you have to do, but I always felt perverted sitting around a bunch of pregnant woman with my pregnant wife waiting for the scheduled doctor visit (that was an hour late). Then the doctor sits with you for five minutes, tells you everything looks good, and charges your insurance with a full informational office visit.

6. Thinking up a name. Seriously?! Can’t these things be assigned by the government or something? You think for hours on end about what to name this little person that will eventually grow up and tell you that you don’t know shit and sneak your alcohol when you aren’t around, only for you (or someone else) to “change” their name once they appear in this world. My youngest is named Andrew Dalton. The first minute I held him I called him AD. He has been AD ever since and even his friends call him AD. People in the stands at his sporting events call him AD. He signs his papers AD. Someone once asked me how Andrew was doing and I asked, “Who the hell is that?”. I used to practice yelling out the names we discussed in our back yard. If I sounded like a dumb ass, I would push like hell not to pick this name. “Honey, did you see that some dude named Cameron shot 7 people in Dallas then kicked a puppy while he ran from police?”

7. Weird food cravings. Yes, we think it’s fine that you crave hotdogs dipped in Kool-Aid powder, but that doesn’t mean WE want to eat that shit too. And don’t act like our double-meat, double-cheese burger is the most disgusting thing you have ever seen and that you can’t stand the smell of it so we need to eat it somewhere other than the location you are in.

8. Sex. I know this is an easy one, but it has to be listed. We love you very much but contrary to what everyone says there truly is something creepy about doing that whole “thing” with your sweet, precious, unborn infant just a few inches from the nasty probe that caused this whole mess. And the more kids you have, the further you — and sex — slide down the importance scale. By the third kid, I was approximately the 7th priority after the kids, the dogs, and a couple of nice sweaters.

9. Boobs. The good news – this is the coolest thing about a woman’s pregnancy – you get a free preview of what a huge porn star boob job would look like on your wife. The bad news – you can look but don’t touch. Why must God make them so sore at the same time he made them so big? The really bad news is that these beautiful things are for some little runt that won’t even appreciate them and their greatness. Oh, and afterwards, they go away — far, far away.

10. Nightmares. I’m not sure if everyone’s pregnant woman has these but mine would scream at 3am like she was an extra on the Blair Witch Project. I’m not talking a “normal” scream — more of a 30 second guttural, deep throat, building in crescendo, to the point the dogs are flinging themselves under the bed in panic, that pops you straight up from a dead sleep with your heart pounding like you just finished a 400 yard dash and thinking that Jason has just walked into your bedroom with a machete in one hand and a severed head in the other. Only to have her wake up and tell YOU to “BE QUIET! I’M TRYING TO SLEEP, DAMMIT!” Just roll over, Beethoven!

Did you love this?  Guess what?  Mike has penned a sequel.  Read 10 (MORE) Sucky Things About Being Married to a Pregnant Woman now!

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  1. no comment.

  2. Wow, he just described the rebuttal to my latest post about how I am psychotic! I am glad I am not alone…

  3. Lol!!!! It’s nice to know what they really think….

  4. Aaaaah. Leave it to Mike. Very entertaining. Otherwise, however, I’m really enjoying your posts Suzanne. Keep up the good writing!!! And the accolades. This just happened to be the last one I’m reading before heading to bed so I’m posting here.

  5. THAT is the funniest thing I’ve read in awhile. Nice.

  6. This made me laugh so so much! Totally awesome. I think that Mike can come out of hiding.

  7. Anonymous says:

    I didn’t even read this whole thing I couldn’t you ran asshole I feel really sorry for your wife and kids. Ew. I had toread this because I was so fucking shocked someone should write something like this. It sucks to be married when your a dumb ass who talks shit. I would never put up with your bull shit if I was your wife I’d be your ex wife. Why would you call a child ad what the hell?

  8. Hilarious!

    Although I must admit that I don’t get the baby shower part. Around here, baby showers are pretty strictly a women’s thing – as in, it’s more or less “no guys allowed.”

  9. Bhahahaha. Boobs.

  10. All the things you have bitched about my husband wished he had experienced but couldn’t because he was in Afghanistan… You’re wife definitely deserves better!

    • Amanda – A big thanks to your husband for his service to our country !! and I totally agree with you – my wife deserves much better than me : )

  11. This is hilarious! I don’t think you said anything in here that wasn’t true. I too have a husband in the Army and have made sure to be pregnant after each deployment so he can suffer through it with me! Ha!

    • Thanks, Heather !! and as well, a big thanks to your husband for his service to our country !! It is much appreciated ….

  12. My husband is also in the Army, the first pregnancy he missed everything due to deployment, this time I got pregnant while he was home….. pretty sure he wouldve much rather been back in the sandbox lol! This cracked me up!

    • Wow !! Another military family !! Very cool. Y’all can be very proud of your spouses. They are working for a very noble cause – protecting our country !! Thanks : )

  13. Now, I’m not gonna go all “omg how could you write this” on you .I was rolling reading this. Now i had one of those “puke the first few months pregnancies” and all you said describes almost everything my poor hubby went through. Nd the boobs thing omg i died laughing on thay because my husband said the same thing. All in all we only have one child and there will be NO MORE! Thanks for posting!

    • Thanks, Amber !! It was team effort in the “suffering” but the end result was well worth the “sucky” things … well at least some of the time it is : )

  14. Now I know what’s wrong with our society. This guy has watch one too many “man” movies, football games, and Ray Romano sitcoms.

    • Well, I must admit you nailed me on two out of three, but come on …. even I know that Ray Romano sucks …

  15. Lol I thought of my poor husband the entire time. People are completely ridiculous and taking this all too seriously. I’m sure he knows pregnancy was no cup of tea for his wife but neither was it for him. These women making such rude comments maybe need to come down off there high horse and admit its rough on both people not just “poor me I had to be pregnant.” There’s a reason why women have babies not men this is how men think and if u think yours is different…. He’s just a good liar lol. My husband too was deployed 3 times and said pregnancy was worst than war, he was prepared for war… Pregnancies however he never knew what was coming next lol.

    • A lot of military families !! That is great !! Big thanks to your husband !! You are right it wasn’t a picnic for both but it was a cakewalk compared to raising them : )

  16. Haha so so true! I did every single one of these things over the course of my pregnancy. I think that some of the readers who take offense are taking it too personally, he’s just trying to be honest while adding some humor. Just a note to the husbands with pregnant wives, please don’t take the hormonal rages to heart. Your pregnant wife is probably aware of her irrational behavior but she can’t really control it either, which is both frustrating and scary. So be as supportive as you can and know that there is an end point and it will most likely pass.

    • Fully understood the hormonal changes. The vacuum cleaner is a true story and we laugh about it today. She won that battle because 10 seconds after she threw it at me, I was vacuuming : )

  17. Anonymous says:

    I’m currently 32 weeks pregnant with my 2nd child and just about peed my pants I was laughing so hard at this! Pregnancy isn’t easy for either mom or dad, but you have to have a sense of humor about it and not take everything so seriously. I actually feel a little sorry for the guy here…dragging him to doctor’s appointments, baby showers and breastfeeding classes? Come on!

  18. I’m currently 11 weeks with #3. My husband has been deployed for the first two, so he never got to know about anything about the being knocked up. His biggest complaint is the rolling over him 10 times a night to go to the bathroom but not allowing him to sleep on the inside because he’d wake me up when he went to work. The mood swings are something he’s never had to deal with and I’m pretty sure he’s excited to go underway for the next 3 weeks! lol. Thanks for the good laugh!

    • Congrats on number #3 !! As I said about our third one – This one will be our best one – we have made all our mistakes on the first two and they now become walking examples to #3 of what not to do.

      Thanks to your husband too …

  19. Mike you are hilarious! I was crying laughing reading this! Please turn this into a book! I’m sure you have more!

    • Thanks !! I thought about a book but it would take everyone forever to read it with all the eye rolling it would cause : )

  20. OMG I’m 7m pregnant right now with our second and almost peed myself laughing. So true! I feel bad for my hubby sometimes because I full out know when I’m being crazy and just can’t control it. P.S. your wife is my hero for the vacuum thing, I’m totally going to use that.

    • Now let’s not make her into a hero. You have to remember I said I would vacuum the living room. Sure it was three days earlier but the intent was there. I felt so abused after that I almost called the Maury Povich when they asked for abused husbands to call in : )

  21. Hilarious!!! I’m definately going to have my hubby read!

  22. Oh dear, suddenly I really don’t want to ever be a pregnant woman…

  23. OMG i just came across this on Pinterest. I am 7 months pregnant with our 2nd baby and this really made me laugh. Not many men would have the balls to say these things out loud. I have the worst mood swings ever feel very sorry for my hubby & can totally see why he says no more kiddies after this one lol xx

  24. Christine says:

    I’m pregnant and I think this is hilarious. People are too sensitive sometimes. Lets be honest, WE KNOW WE ARE CRAZY WHEN PREGNANT!! Why can’t we laugh about it?! I know I laugh at myself after an uncontrolled and unnesesary outburst.

    • I have a secret for you …….. we are just as crazy when you are pregnant but it is more of an “in shock” crazy !!

  25. Anonymous says:

    I think he’s an ass hole.

  26. Michelle says:

    I thought this was HILARIOUS!! Can’t imagine why anyone would be offended by anything you said. 🙂 If you can’t look at a situation with a sense of humor life must be incredibly dull. The vacuum deal absolutely cracked me up!! I did about the same thing when I was pregnant with the first one. 🙂 We all can giggle at this.

  27. Krystal says:

    I’m currently 6 months pregnant with my second and thought this was so hilarious! Since I had a major meltdown on my poor husband last night, we both needed this laugh! To the women who are making mean comments about how they would never tolerate your kind of behavior, they’re probably single now raising the kids alone. Their guys must have gotten out while they had the chance! lol Lighten up…

  28. Ok, Mike. I wasn’t totally thrilled while reading this list but you kinda won me over in the comments. Your gracious responses to even the insulting comments do you credit and make me think you are probably just a loveable smartass, here to poke fun at life and keep us from taking ourselves too seriously. Keep up the good work!

    • Rebekah – I am a very serious writer whose goal to to provide insightful and compelling ………………………………………sorry, I had to stop my response to you. I was trying to see how many M&M’s I could fit in my mouth : )

  29. Well, geez, dude. No one forced you to knock the lady up three times. And I don’t see what’s so goddamn hard about vacuuming the carpet the first time.

    • Anonymous says:


    • First of all, I did not “knock up” the lady. I made sweet, sweet passionate love to my princess. On second thought, it probably was some drunken wrestling match. And … You don’t see what is so hard with vacuuming ?!?! First you have to get out the whole vacuum cleaner, then you have to plug in that long cord, then turn it on, then move it back and forth like a million times, then put it away – what’s so easy about all that ??

  30. MrsAdams says:

    Super funny!!!! My hubby and I are expecting with our first! I’m totally showing him this!! You totally got the boobs part down!! Lol!!!

  31. MrsAdams says:

    Super funny!!! We’re expecting our first!! You’re spot on with the boobs! Lol

  32. Anonymous says:

    It should never take you two days to complete a simple household task, especially when your very pregnant wife asks you to do so. You seem really immature, whether you think you’re funny or not is irrelevant. This example makes you look really bad, especially when you call her a bitch with the next breath.

  33. Thanks for the comments, Anonymous !! I am really going to try grow from your advice and work on my maturity and maybe, just maybe if I am very lucky, my darling bride will keep me around for another 24 years of marriage …

  34. That’s awesome! I just laughed my ass off!! Thanks for that – I needed it!

  35. I’m 5 months pregnant and had to forward this on to my husband. This made me cry from laughing so hard. This is our first and I’m positive my husband will agree to this.

  36. Okay. I’m 6 and a half months pregnant and I found this ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS AND TRUE!!! I am a total mental crazy case and should probably be put in a padded room for everyone else’s safety. My poor husband…I really feel it for you guys. You bare the brunt of our frustration. And I hope your wife isn’t like me where I spent 20 minutes sweeping my bedroom floor, because I have a giant black dog that sheds like he’s got a groomer on him at all times and white tile floor, only to have him come into the room, and get more hair on my floor. I freaked. Told my husband to get rid of him. Honest to goodness, was telling my husband to find him a new home immediately and put him in the yard until his new owners came…We’re crazy. And from this preggy psycho to you and all the other men who have dealt with this, I am sorry.

    • My wife would never give up her dogs but she is a clean freak so they did get some compliants thrown their way as well …

  37. Wow, I have not spawned yet, but I suppose this is a great list of what NOT to do! 😀

  38. My Dh and I are trying to get pregnant now and I might forward this to him so he can prepare himself…Absolutely hilarious!

  39. Now, I understand pregnancy is hard for both sides, but this article makes me a little sad. Just that both genders treat each other this way. No, a woman should not expect the world to revolve around her, but her mate should be a little bit more considerate and supportive–especially when attending classes and doctor visits. (but I totally hear you on the billing issue – WTF!?) Pregnancy should be a choice you make together, so unless she is pregnant when you decide to tie the knot, take a deep breath and get over yourself.

    • So I can get away with these “comments” if I knocked her up before we got married but because we were married, I must “get over myself” ?? Makes sense to me …

  40. I wish I’d seen this two months ago before I gave birth! It might have saved an argument or 12.

  41. I have never been pregnant but I had to lay my head down on my desk from laughing so hard at these. I would actually love to have my future husband write the things that scared him during our first pregnancy. You have to find humor in every part of your life, otherwise things become too serious! Awesome! 😀

  42. I am currently 5 month pg with our first…I personally haven’t had a TON of problems and even my husband comments that it hasn’t been so bad 🙂 but reading this put me into fits of giggles. I just feel sorry for women who can’t look back and laugh over how things ended up happening, i.e. mood swings, complaints, etc. I also know that sometimes the things that I ask my hubby to do don’t get done for 2 days to a week…but I don’t USUALLY get upset about it. It’ll get done when it gets done…or else I do it and don’t worry about it anymore. It’s sometimes easier just to do things yourself rather than ask and end up getting pissed off because they don’t get done when YOU think they should get done.

    All in all, keep up the smart-ass remarks. I have a smart-ass husband whose sense of humor always keeps me on my toes and in fits of laughter!

    • ahhhh – come on, Jana …. You are supposed to be offended by this and say How dare a man make these insensitive comments about a woman’s beautiful “time”. : )

      Thanks for the kid comments and I am glad you enjoyed my crappy comments ….

  43. Hahaha. All of these comments are priceless. I find this article hilarious. I’m a women and take absolutely I offense to it. We really do act like this, and men really do think like that. It’s real life. Get over it people. It was a crack a comedy which I find was very well written and t

  44. I am currently 8 1/2 mths preg & I found this hilarious!! We are due w/ baby #3 as child #1 just turned 17… now come on, if I can’t laugh @ our circumstances already as well as Mike’s humor then what’s to live for? I decided a long time ago that I would just announce my crazy that was about to come on & give everyone a 5 sec head start on running in any direction possible! As for the “crazies” that come on unexpectedly, well good luck to all around. Thanks for the laugh!!

  45. This is awesome.

  46. I’m 26 weeks pregnant and that made me laugh my ass off. I’m forwarding it to my hubby. I haven’t thrown any vacuums or had any really strange cravings or food aversions, but I wish I had so I’d get to be the psycho pregnant lady once! We’re only planning one baby. 🙂

  47. Danielle says:

    well done! well done!
    heheheheheheheheheeh.. and yes.. I can agree with all of it! hehehehe. not proud of it. but.. it is what it is! Thankfully I have a wonderful husband!

  48. I love your humor! My husband would agree with. most of your comments. Although I never took him with me to any of the LA Leche League meetings. I was weirded out enough seeing other women breastfeeding in public. But kudos to u for having the balls to sit through 8 hours of “how to use boobs”.
    I will say that baby showers can be fun as a couple. Ours was on the weekend of a big Purdue v U of Michigan game. We invited all our family and college friends over to watch the game in front of the big screen and celebrate our future baby boilermaker. While the guys made bets on the game, us girls made bets on my belly size, and opened gifts in the other room between major plays. It was a wonderful time. And most importantly we got to get lots of good advice and laughter from all the generations of family and friends that were there. It was safe to say we both had a blast. And you can be sure there was plenty of beer and hot wings!

    Keep up with your witty posts- I will be sharing this with hubby as we expect baby #2! And I hate the part about the boobs. I finally get porn star boobies and they feel like they will explode if my hubby looks at them wrong. So frustrating!

  49. Anonymous says:

    This is so immature and offensive to women…if you can’t deal with her being pregnant, then don’t get her pregnant. That simple. And we don’t care to hear about how awesome your wife’s boobs are when she’s pregnant but it just sucks for YOU that you can’t touch them. I imagine how she feels…makes me doubt even more that there are any good guys out there.

    • You are right – this is immature and offensive but let’s be positive and look on the bright side. I am providing you a free of charge litmus test for all your future suitors. As you meet a potential good guy, ask them to read this posting. If they laugh and think it is funny as hell, they are NOT one of the good guys so you need to get away from them and fast. If they read it and then tell you what an insentive a-hole I am, then snag that “good guy” prize up, sister …

      No need to thank me – You are welcome …

      • Anonymous says:

        You are the funniest person I have ever read. Your replies to those that think this is the “most horrible thing they have ever read” are almost as funny as the post itself. Kudos to you, Mike! I have already forwarded this on to my fiance so he can be prepared for what comes next! So funny! lol

  50. This post was great! Pregnancy is hard for both people involved.
    I have to agree that you had it hard: doctors visits, baby shower, breastfeeding clinic! Good for you. Way to be supportive of your wife. Sounds like you did what a man should: support and love his wife.

  51. I know all these pregnancy blogs are supposed to be cute and funny but they seriously make me never want kids. The way people “joke” but you know they really mean it. Kids ruin everything, especially marriages. I’m so happy I will never be this miserable!

  52. Kelly, on behalf of all parents, let me thank you for making the decision to not have children.

    Also, as a public service annoucement for you, below is the defintion of the word – satire. I hope it helps in your education …

    Satire – a literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human folly and vice are held up to scorn, derision, or ridicule

  53. My husband and I are planning to start trying soon. While I was literally lol and forwarded to friends I plan to save this for my husband until after he’s knocked me up. I don’t want to scare him off. 🙂

  54. For all the “you’re such a horrible immature person” commentors, I feel sorry for your boyfriends and husbands. How boring are you? Missionary position once a month?

    As a single spinster with no children and no plans to HAVE children (I’m fine living vicariously through all of you), I found this HILARIOUS because stereotypes come from somewhere do they not?

    Also Mike, if you know of any men like you around the 27-30 age range I’m single. Your wife is lucky to have a man that can make her laugh, just as you are lucky to have a woman that puts up with your bullshit. What a team!

    • ashersmom says:

      I love this comment but I do have to say — if you’re in the 27 – 30 year old age range, you are NOT a spinster. Geez! You’re just single. Kick your heels up!

    • You mean you can do it more than once a month ?!?!?! Who knew ??

      Thanks for the kind words !! And you are 100% correct – my wife does have to put up with a lot of bullshit from me. Her cross to bear … : )

  55. This is awesome. Sometimes we all need to just laugh about these experiences! Its not easy being pregnant nor is it easy living with the crazy pregnant lady! Let the drama go and have a laugh people! This guy is hilarious!!!!!

  56. My husband and I love looking back on my pregnancy and laughing at all the bizarre stuff that happens within a woman’s mind.
    And despite being unable to walk in the grocery store for 15 minutes without being in horrific pain with swollen feet…. we still find a way to pick up vaccuums and move furniture!
    My poor husband, I remember him bringing home Chinese Food and I could smell it through the vents as I was napping and I made him eat it outside.
    And Mike – we miss our boobs too. Trust me!
    And on a side note – what the hell kinda place do you live in, where men attend baby showers!? I BEGGED to NOT have one… let alone have my husband join me in that event!
    But all that being said – kids kick ass. And I bet you and your wife are some awesome, funny parents!

  57. Pregnant with my 2rd and must say I love this sending it to my hubby so he can get a laugh too.If you don’t think this is humorous then your funny bones broke its clearly meant for a laugh not to sound heartless stop getting all feminist and laugh.

  58. Oh my! This is one of the dumbest most offensive things I have ever heard. I hope that if this was really written by someone’s husband, she’s left him and moved onto someone who care about her. Or no one….being single is better than with this horrible person. Oh my gosh, this makes me so upset!

  59. LOL – Don’t have kids yet but I have a hubby who’s a witty smart ass like you. Keep it up. Us ladies can be crazy just like you men can be a pain in the ass. God love us all.

  60. Omg everyone its to be funny!!! Ffs get over yourselves

  61. This is hilarious! I am currently 6 months with our second child. I am hyper aware of ALL of my crazy actions. I can honestly say that I don’t do most of these. My boyfriend has no problem calling me out on these things when they happen though, and I appreciate that! We just laugh about it after I start crying and joke about me being a crazy pregnant lady. He’s great about it all. We definitely try to work with each other now. We didn’t have such a smooth ride with the first pregnancy. We learned for this one thank goodness! Haha. Great post! I’m sending this to my boyfriend so he can get a chuckle.

  62. I’m 8months prego with my 3rd — thus shit is dead on honest lol. And throwing a vacuum ? Why didn’t I think of that!!! Lol

  63. None of your business says:

    Well yeah, on one end, you’re funny. Some of it is kind of funny. But then it’s also very degrading. At least you get a free preview of the porn star breasts. Clearly, men who think like you deserve to see those because you have porno sized dicks right? If you actually did, you wouldn’t have to post this bullshit to feel better about how small it really is. How small is your dick that you would even whine like this? And forbid anyone on this thread has an opposing opinion aside from it being “just being funny” clearly, they’re just stupid for thinking differently. Let me guess, I’m the one with the bad sense of humor and terrible personality right? Honestly, if this is how you think for real, you should be lucky that you’re getting any action at all. I understand having a sense of humor but this is more whiny than funny. Men are so much better at everything else so really, they should be the ones growing the babies inside them. It’d be a perfect world. No mood swings right? Grow your own boobs. Who needs women? Let me guess, since I put the foil hat on here I predict that you all feel sorry for my husband for marrying such a psycho right? That I need to just take a joke? Laugh and move on? Or maybe some of you will take a stab at guessing the size of *my* husband’s package. All it will do is confirm your insecurity. Go ahead. I could care less. You all commented so I am too. This is how I feel. I wanted to find the funny in this but because men don’t even know a small fraction of the struggle of a healthy pregnancy let alone a complicated one, for them to whine about the minor stuff is just lame. And hey you know what? If you think this is funny and you are pregnant or a woman, more power to you. Excuse my existence, for I think differently.

  64. I gotta say….1-you are a brave man for writing this…2-some of these comments are as good as the article! Thanks for making a pregnant lady chuckle!

  65. I have neither husband nor baby. I came across this from a pin and laughed so hard! I think the women criticizing you are lashing out because this hits a personal nerve for them. But I believe you are telling the truth and I have often thought men must feel this way on several things you wrote – I mean, you’re just not wired to love all things tiny and baby and maternity like we usually are. Glad you decided to tell the truth and liberate some of these other men out there who want to be free enough to be honest, but might feel guilty or shamed for doing so. In fact – I believe you sugar coated A LOT of what you said and didn’t really get 100% gansta honest because women who live on “shabby disney mommy doggy wifey craftsy cutesy – and me!” blogs can’t handle 100% gangsta honesty about anything. But it is what it is – and you said about as much as you could say the way you decided to say it. I wish I could have been a fly on the wall and seen your expression when dude was asking about how his wife should care for her cracked nipples. I was rolling on the floor just off my imagination alone. And the co-ed baby showers – like is NOTHING sacred?! What man in his right mind wants to sit through that? I would never expect or force my hubby to attend such a thing. They even have MAN BABY SHOWERS now – like, can we be MORE ridiculous with the granola hipster movement?! I wish my man WOULD ask for a man shower – I’d invite him to the back porch, turn on the garden hose, and beat the hell out of him with it. There’s your shower, man! LOL – but all jokes aside. This was a very entertaining post even though I know you sprinkled it liberally with PC Sugar and Mommy Glitter.

    • Thanks for reading this and the compliments ! I must admit I never thought I would see the day when someone who read this would say I wasn’t balls out gansta’ enough !! haha !!

  66. Brittny says:

    I find this article funny! Not hilarious but definitely not offensive. (The only part I didn’t like was the B word. ..just a personal distaste for that particular word. But props to your wife for being able to THROW a vacuum lol) I think what the people who are calling you a horrible husband are missing here is that you did everything your wife wanted you to. You went to the Dr appointment, baby shower, (I’m assuming birth) and supported her in those moments. It was sucky for you and you did it anyway! That’s support at its best in my book.

    • Thanks for reading and replying ! It is good to know that people are still reading and finding humor in it : )


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    […] Brave Man shares the 10 sucky things about being married to a pregnant woman.  My favorite? Compliments that aren’t taken as compliments.  Don’t make the mistake […]

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