Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day and therefore, I know most of you will find today’s self-pity out of place.
Too bad for you.
Tomorrow I will give thanks. Today I wallow.
And regardless of what most of you will think, I totally deserve it.
Here’s why.
There will be no tutus for me.
I can kiss my Barbie Dream House goodbye.
So much for pink and purple, flowers and butterflies, braiding hair, putting on make-up and countless yearly dance recitals.
Sigh.
It’s another boy.
Don’t think I don’t know what you’re saying to yourself right now.
I do.
And the reason I do is that it’s what at least 95% of the people I’ve told have said to me.
“At least he’s healthy.”
Well, yes. Of course.
At least he’s healthy.
But come on.
Don’t I deserve to be disappointed for at least a day?
A few days?
It’s not like I got pregnant and then suddenly decided, I sure hope I have a girl.
I’ve wanted a little girl my whole life.
I’ve wanted a daughter since I was old enough to even conceptualize that I might have my own children one day.
I’ve dreamed of all that girly stuff — the hair-doing, the ribbons, the dresses, the ballet classes, the shopping — my WHOLE LIFE.
I deserve a chance to mourn that dream.
I hear your voice echoing in my head:
“Maybe the next one will be a girl.”
No.
There will not be a next one.
This is it.
I am a boy mom.
There will be no little girl for me.
And that makes me sad.
Deep down sad.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not sad this one is a boy. I know once he comes, he’ll be exactly the child that was meant to be in this family and I will love him with my whole heart.
But I am really, really sad that I will never have the little girl I’ve always wanted.
Let me have that.
For just one day.
Tomorrow, I promise I’ll say a special Thanksgiving prayer in gratitude for the exceptional blessings of a new penis in the family.
But today?
Today, I mourn pigtails, ruffled bloomers and glitter shoes.
Today, I wallow.
Tomorrow, I stuff my face.
sorry friend. wallow away. it’s ok to be sad today.
There once was a girl named Susan. She always wanted a little girl
and one day she found that a baby was coming. What! A boy! Then…
another boy, and then guess what… another boy. That does it she cried!
I’ll never have a little pink girl to comb and dress. Well, soon the three boys became men….and one of those boys is now the father of an adorable little baby girl named Sara, and her Mimi is very, very happy!!!!
Soooo while you are accepting your plight start to dream!!!
That’s a nice story, aunt pat. I never knew Susan wanted a girl so badly.
I guess I better hope Asher starts having kids young…but not TOO young!
Awww, you certainly deserve a day (or more!) to mourn! I know you’ll love those boys with all your heart, nonetheless. Besides, you never know what kind of girl you’d have ended up with. Avery still chooses dinosaurs over baby dolls, and hates having her hair braided. You just never know.
I think you’re very right, jojo. I’d probably end up with a girl who recoiled against all the girly stuff I wanted to do with her, and maybe that would be harder for me. At least that’s what I’m telling myself…
When I was preggers with Roo (my last,kiddo and only boy), I was thrilled,to find out we were having a son. But, I was also profoundly sad that I wasn’t having a group of girls. Four little amazons in training would have been great.
Now? Meh, I love the kid’s I have, just as you mentioned that you’ll adore baby not when he gets here. In the meantime, have a sad day (or more) and sign him up for ballet when he’s old enough.
My MIL wanted a girl SO badly. They tried for a third kid but it never happened. So two boys. And my Hubs, the younger bro, is the most sensitive gent you’ve ever met. All because my MIL needed that outlet. A big, burly, football playing sweetheart. They shopped together even.
And then her eldest son had two kids – both boys. It was starting to look bleak for my MIL and tea parties. But I ended up filling that daughter role, even though it was -in-law, and we had a little girl. So now my MIL is pumped! And everything she buys EB is so pink.
So you don’t necessarily have to wait until Asher has kids – just until he has a girlfriend! But I feel your pain. It’s so bittersweet. Yay for a baby, sad it’s not one of each.
The 20-week sono this week confirmed his boyness, so I’m starting the slow acceptance process.
Have to admit though, seeing him moving all around and sucking his thumb in there got me excited.
Despite my yearning for all things girly, I think I’m perhaps just meant to be a mom of boys.
I’ll see if I can start interesting Asher in a girlfriend. Is 4 too young???