A couple of weeks ago, I was inspired by some of my facebook friends to write Lies Woman Tell Themselves. Which naturally led right into Lies Men Tell Themselves.
But a series about LIES would be nothing without the ones we tell other people. The easiest one to come up with? Lies Men Tell Women. I might’ve heard a few of these in my many years of dating. Like 3 million times.
1. I aced my SATs.
2. I was in a band.
3. I don’t really like big boobs.
4. I’ll call you.
5. I played a little football in college.
6. I wasn’t looking at her.
7. I could beat that guy’s ass.
8. I’ve slept with a LOT of women.
9. I’ve only slept with 2 women.
10. Your butt doesn’t look big in those jeans.
11. You’re the best sex I’ve ever had.
12. I lift weights.
13. I don’t watch porn.
14. I love your cooking.
15. I don’t masterbate.
16. We’re not lost.
17. I can fix anything.
18. Strip clubs are stupid.
19. I don’t have a girlfriend.
20. I can’t sleep unless I’m in my own bed.
21. I’m stuck in traffic.
22. I’ve never thought about any of your friends that way.
23. I’m ready to settle down.
24. I can’t wait to meet your parents.
25. I’d be totally cool with you making more money than me.
I started out planning to make this a top 10 list but then I. Just. Couldn’t. Stop. But don’t get too upset, guys. Fair is fair. Lies Women Tell Men is up next.
In the meantime, I know you can think of at least 20 more lies men tell women without even straining yourself. I’m waiting… (oh sure, you’re stuck in traffic again, no problem…)
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“Your morning face is cute.”
“Your farts don’t stink.”
“I love you more than my Mom.”
“I didn’t forget…I wanted to surprise you!”
Great list and so true on so many of these points. Now looking forward to the flip side.
1, don’t get why the lie.
2 does being in a real band separate chicks from their pants.
3 We like big boobs if they get your motor running. Otherwise they aren’t of major importance. If you don’t believe me ask yourself why there’s so much ‘from behind’ action. 4 the intention is there while we are saying it.
5 we don’t get
. 6 we are always looking. So are you btw.
7, who the f says that to a girl and expects a good result.
Mhm to 7&8. 10 we don’t get the bloating thing. Nor do we care. If we did we wouldn’t be with you .
11, the best sex is had when the worry about having a kid is off the table. When you are actively trying to, in other words.
12,13, 15&16 are more ideal conditions. A bit like how you see a wedding day. Only we don’t go doolally.
14 depends really. Can you cook really.
17-20 are maybe true. Some can . Leastwise can do things about the house. P.S. DIY drills or any other job fixin’s like sanders, lawnmowers&saws are not sexy gifts for a man EVER. They are below the socks and jumper in the present stakes.
21-24 he’s gay.
25, again it depends.
I’m not releasing any great secret of the Bloke Brotherhood (funny handshake optional) but, we don’t lie when we don’t when care in a relationship. Not when we are trying to charm the pants off you. Lets face it, that’s just a mini play put on by both with whoppers on all sides.
If your fellow drifts towards absolute honesty, he is lying to some other chick.
I’m not cheating, you’re just jealous.
Courtesy of my first husband.
I loved this list, some of those lies I haven’t heard in years…others fell out of the husband’s mouth just yesterday ;).
Awesome list. Laugh-out-loud funny! How about, “my cell phone was dead” or “I’m not drunk”
How about: I’m pretty neat and clean around the house.
Late night call (of the booty sort) to get in the door (via pay phone from the corner) “I love you”…the next day – “I never said that!” Luckily, I didn’t give in the night before and had started to get smart. Unfortuunately, it took me way too long to get to that point. Who wants to date an elf who wants to be a dentist! 🙂
“This weekend, I promise, I’m going to move my work shit out of the garage so you can park in it again and not freeze to death in the morning getting in the car.”
Love the list! And sadly, I have heard altogether too many of those lies!!
“I don’t really like big boobs” is definitely my favorite. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years now (and have a child together). At the beginning of our relationship, I complained about having small boobs.. his reply “they fit perfectly in my hand.” When I had our son and my milk came in, guess who just randomly discovered he loves big boobs..