This post is sponsored by a seasonal stream of holiday dysfunction, as well as SocialMoms and the movie Daddy’s Home. But first, the holiday dysfunction.
Around our house, we have our own particular brand of holiday dysfunction because I’m Christian and my husband is Jewish. We observe a kind of blended holiday we call Chrismukkah. This holiday doesn’t so much have rules or established traditions because we’re more “feel your way” kind of people. And that’s where the door to dysfunction swings open wide.
Growing up Jewish, my husband didn’t have Christmas trees but he’s embraced this part of our new tradition with open, eager arms. He has strong opinions about our tree, namely that it should always be real and that it should always be big.
Two years ago, shortly after moving, we went to a tree lot to pick out our first Christmas tree for our new house. Gabe stepped onto the lot and into the shade of a behemoth of a tree. He froze there, mouth agape. I called his name several times. The boys tugged on each of his hands. Yet still he stood there looking up.
“I want this one,” he said.
“Babe, that tree is WAY too big for our house.”
“No, it’s not. Our ceilings are very high. I want this tree.”
“You don’t understand. You have to put it in a tree stand and then you have to put a star on top. It becomes much taller after all of that. This tree will never fit.” Christmas confidence was oozing out of my pores. He was the newbie. I was the pro.
Challenged, Gabe asked the lot attendant, “How tall is this tree?”
“Sir, this tree is 10 foot tall. Isn’t she a beauty?”
I could see the calculations going on in Gabe’s brain. 10 feet plus another foot for the tree stand plus another one for the star. It would be close. Finally he spoke. “Sir, can you show us some 9 foot trees?”
We followed the attendant to a back corner of the lot where stacks of 9 foot tall Christmas trees were lying on their sides still wrapped in netting. Gabe began to stand trees up here and there and twirl them around, looking at them thoughtfully, while I stood there with my arms crossed and a sour look on my face. The boys, forgotten, chased each other in circles around us.
“How about this one?” Gabe said. “Or this one looks good.”
“Well, how are we supposed to know? It’s still in the netting. There’s no way to tell if it has any holes or not.” I said smugly.
“Holes? What’re you talking about? Holes?” Gabe aggressively discarded the trees back on the pile.
“Look, I’m sick of talking about this. Why don’t you just pick the tree you want and let’s get this over with. Merry fu..”
Suddenly the sound of our kindergardener’s voice interrupted us. “Guys! Mommy’s fussing at daddy. Daddy’s fussing at Mommy. Let’s stop fussing and get a Christmas tree.”
Gabe and I both looked at each other over his little head, words of frustration frozen on our tongues – and then we both started to laugh out loud. This time the parents were acting like children.
In the end, my husband got his 10 foot tall tree and it was indeed way too big for the house. After he put it in the stand and raised it upright, the top 6 inches of the tree were leaning over against the roof. Within minutes, the entire tree fell over with a loud thud and broke the tree stand. Gabe had to call the owner of the tree lot and ask if he could exchange the tree. Luckily, it wasn’t the first time someone had purchased a tree that was better suited for Rockefeller Plaza than their house.
So now our tree tradition is 9 feet or under, no exceptions.
Another fun holiday tradition? Going to the movies together as a family. This year, I’m excited about “Daddy’s Home,” in theaters nationwide on Christmas Day. I love anything that makes our family dysfunction look totally normal and from the looks of it, this movie is just what the doctor ordered. Which is to say, laughter and lots of it. Plus I’ll watch anything with Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg in it. Check out the trailer for a taste of the hilarity that ensues when bad boy daddy (Wahlberg) comes home forcing nice guy step daddy (Ferrell) to begin competing with him for the kids’ affections.
Get more info on #DaddysHome here:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DaddysHomeMovie
Twitter: https://twitter.com/DaddysHome
Instagram: https://instagram.com/DaddysHomeMovie
Looks to me like the perfect Christmas Day escape. Once the gifts are torn open and the turkey is consumed, pack the entire extended family into the minivan and laugh your ass off with Daddy’s Home.
This blog post is part of a paid SocialMoms and Daddy’s Home blogging program. The opinions and ideas expressed here are my own.
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