It’s time for the HOLIDAY EDITION of The Funniest Blogs on the Internet and these are some of my favorite Christmas (and assorted other holiday-oriented) posts I’ve come across recently. Only the best for you. Happy ChristmaKwanzaHanukkah!
Honest Wine Labels for Moms – Holiday Edition – You’ve seen my Honest Wine Labels for Moms (and if you haven’t then by all means, go have a good laugh right now, we’ll wait). They’re perfect for all occasions, like “I have a threenager” and “OMFG Lice! No! Anything But That!” Well now, there’s a Holiday edition! And guess what, you can buy digital downloads of any of the three sets of honest wine labels now. Just download, print and slap them on your own bottles of wine and every mom on your gift list is taken care of. Throw a few in a basket and you’ll all have a good laugh and then right after, a really good buzz. But whether you want to buy the labels or not, go see how much easier it would be to choose your wine if the label just said what it was for. Right now, I’d be drinking a bottle of “Calliou Christmas Movie, Parts 1-5). Argh! Thank God for wine.
It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers from McSweeney’s (by Colin Nissan). Okay, it’s not Christmas-oriented but it is holiday-oriented. Also, it will make you poo yourself from laughing. And not just because it has the word “motherfuckers” in it. I’ll just get you started. “I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to get my hands on some fucking gourds and arrange them in a horn-shaped basket on my dining room table.” I’ve read it ten or twelve times over the last year or two and I still can’t get enough. It’s tears in the eyes funny.
Amazingly Awkward Christmas Cards – This family can hang out with us anyday. They’ve been making these unbelievably awkward Christmas cards – and sending them out to everyone they know – for 13 years. 13 years! And they involve an awful lot of wigs, glitter, spandex and in one case, beer, cigarettes and a pregnancy belly. Totally worth a good ho, ho, ho and a hee hee hee.
What NOT to Buy My Kid This Christmas by Baby Sideburns. This post is funny as shit. I won’t spoil the things she suggests that Nana and Papa don’t buy for her kids this Christmas (other than anything alive) because you’ll want to read it yourself but take my word for it, it’s awesomely funny and spot on. This is one of the unreal things she suggests you don’t buy her kid. As if you needed to be told. Although some people…
Making Memories the Punch Way by People I Want To Punch In the Throat (or as I like to call it “The Diarrhea Song”) You all know Jen’s post about Overachieving Elf on the Shelf Mommies (if you don’t, where have you been – go read it). Here’s one that proves she’s not a holiday grump but instead a very creative songstress … of poop. And don’t forget to buy her latest book for everyone you know. It’s the perfect Christmas gift for everyone who likes to laugh (and so economical. I suggest adding a bottle of wine with one of my Honest Wine Labels in a nice little basket). And screw the rest of them.
Baby Visiting For The Holidays – y’all this is a Craigslist ad. A CRAIGSLIST AD, for the love of God. It is one of the funniest things ever. It is so funny and got such a strong reaction that the person who wrote it immediately started a Facebook page (Mommy Misses Day Drinking) and got something like 6000 followers in one day. Girl doesn’t even have a blog. Go have a look-see.
Holiday Gifts So Bad They Might Be Awesome Susan from Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva does the very best gift guides every holiday season – and it’s because they are hilarious as hell. Go check this one out. You won’t believe some of these products exist. My favorite is the clip-on faux man bun. REALLY?
Santa, Bring Me Some Sister Wives from The Fordeville Diaries. Let me tell you, I’ve been playing single mom all week and my husband is about to go right back out of town again. Between the busy blogging season, my cold, the kids, the seasonal events, the Christmas shopping and everything else, I would give my eyeteeth (what the hell does that mean anyway – I’m not giving my teeth up for anything) for some sister wives this time of year. Kim lays out the perfect plan for having them take the load off this holiday season.
And finally, The Elf On The Shelf Is Dead. Yes, it’s sad (not) but true. We are here today to eulogize poor Mr. Jingles who was with us such a short time. Take a moment to remember him with me by reliving some of his finer moments – and some of his demonic ones. You won’t be sorry.making
I hope you enjoyed my funniest holiday blogs on the internet roundup. If you like this, follow Toulouse & Tonic on Pinterest where I pin my my favorites from around the internet. And be sure to subscribe while you’re here. Just pop your email address in the subscribe box below and you’ll receive new posts in your inbox (1-2 per week). It’s the best way to make sure you don’t miss anything.