Today’s guest post is courtesy of Bad Playdate, a fellow blogger I stumbled upon and find hilarious, mainly due to the fact that I’m also a playgroup- and playdate-hater. What separates us is her tenacity. I gave up after a few bad ones but she just keeps going and going and going. She’s like the energizer bunny of crappy playdates. But trust me, Bad Playdate suffers so you can laugh. And laugh you will. You see, there’s a reason she’s anonymous.
I’ve been on hundreds of playdates and boy, are they freaking weird. As you can see from the stories on BAD PLAYDATE, there are about a million ways one can go wrong but today, I present to you my top 10.
The Top 10 Ways a Playdate Can Go Wrong
1. A playdate in a mansion can turn awkward when wealthy kids ask middle-class kids to play “poor” and then say “Hey poor boy, you’re not taking a vacation next week.”
2. A stay-at-home dad can make you feel dirty by suggesting the hand-me-down clothes he asked for for his daughter are full of bed bugs, saying “You can’t be too careful!” and taking them directly to his laundry room as soon as you arrive.
3. A playdate with a privileged mom and her nanny can become awkward when you find out the 70-year-old nanny lives in the attic, thinks her boss is a bitch and begs you to help her find a new job.
4. You might freeze during a playdate when a control-freak mom invites you over, but won’t let you in her house because the housekeeper just cleaned it.
5. A normal-sized house can suddenly become too small for a playdate when a privileged child asks, “Where is the rest of the house?”
6. Things can get weird when a clearly anorexic mom forces her overweight daughter to eat treat after treat throughout a playdate and then gazes longingly at every bite.
7. Kids can become terrified when another mom yells “Run, the wolves are coming!” to get them to move along while hiking.
8. A playdate can turn germy when a dental hygienist becomes defensive and insists the fruit she’s serving has been washed, even though it still has stickers all over it.
9. A playdate at the park can be interrupted when a super hip-looking mom tells you to leave because her toddler is using the park as an art studio and you’re in the way.
10. It can be horribly limiting when the child you’re visiting is strapped into his time-out chair during an entire 2-hour playdate because 1-2-3 Magic isn’t so magical after all.
Look, if you’re not having much luck on your playdates start thinking of them as dates. Would you go on a first date without having an exit strategy? Would you invite a first date over to your house? The same rules apply. When you meet for a playdate, always meet in a neutral place and make sure you have a “pediatrician’s appointment” conveniently scheduled shortly thereafter. And most importantly, take notes! Trust me, I’m all ears!
For the full story and all the hilarious deets on all 10 of these (very real) bad playdates, head on over to Bad Playdate right now. You can also follow her on twitter and Facebook, where she keeps me laughing between blog posts.
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Thanks, Toulouse! You’re awesome.
Ha, ha! Hilarious! I always love reading your posts!
Thankful my kids are past playdate years. Now when they have friends over they can really disappear for a few hours. It’s wonderful. And I once remember my now 19 year old pooping out a sticker. Come to think of it — who had he been playing with?
Holy sh*t. Seriously. Holy sh*t. I’ve been to a million playdates, but…I have no words. Except holy sh*t. Have I already said that??
Hilarious, though!! (Well, except #6. That one’s just sad. Poor child!!)
Follow my blog, guys. The stories are nuts & I promise to keep reporting them!
Will do! Heading over to follow right now!
This is why I only venture outdoors to gather food, back-up yoga pants and wine. I long ago gave up the playdate rodeo, but, I’m glad *YOU* haven’t because this stuff here is classic goodness wrapped in a tasty layer of HOLY SHIT, THIS STUFF HAPPENS? Great post.
these are so funny!
Worst playdate – when we drive an hour for a playdate and the girl tells my son that she needs “some alone time” and locks herself in her room to play with all of her toys, while my son sits in the living room with nothing to play with. As we had just gotten there, i gave him a snack and her a half an hour then told her mom that we were going to a playground instead, he didn’t need to be treated that way. We tried with them once more at our place and the girl tried to lock herself in my sons room with his toys and the same excuse. No playdates anymore.