My kindergartner’s spring break was last week and I was lucky enough to have two awesome books tucked into my bag as we pulled out of the driveway on vacation.
I can hear what you’re saying right now. How the hell did you find time to read two, let alone one book while on “vacation” with your children? Because we all know a vacation is not a vacation in the traditional sense when your kids are with you.
And indeed, it was not restful at all. But I still managed to find time to delve into these 2 books and I’ll tell you why. Both are right up my alley — funny, very real stories about what it’s like to be a mom. On the bonus side, both have pretty short, self-contained chapters that make it easy to read (and have a good laugh) for 10 or 15 minutes before bed at night when the kids are already asleep. Or ya know, when you Just Want To Pee Alone.
Motherhood Comes Naturally (and other vicious lies) by Scary Mommy arrived first. I don’t know how many of you read Confessions of a Scary Mommy, Jill’s first book but I bet it was a LOT of you since it was a best-seller. I somehow missed it, and after reading Motherhood Comes Naturally (and other vicious lies) and loving it, I’m putting the first one on my Mother’s Day wish list.
My favorite thing in the book is “Rules for Playdates.” I’m a known playdate hater (although not nearly as dedicated to it as my friend Bad Playdate) so this one had me laughing – and thinking about printing them up and handing them out to moms who are brave enough to ask one of my boys to playdate with them. The best rule? To be repeated by the child’s playmate: “I will not ask you to endlessly throw balls/do art projects/referee sports/run around after me. I recognize that my sole job is to entertain your child.”
Other “vicious lies” about motherhood you’ll love? The Parent is In Charge. Pets Make Children More Responsible. You’ll Get More Sleep When They’re Older. It goes on, in that special Scary Mommy way, but I wouldn’t want to ruin it for you.
Just click this link to order your own copy.
The second book I was lucky enough to take on “vacation” was Moms Who Drink & Swear: Loving My Kids While Losing My Mind by Nicole Knepper.
This book is so full of heart and swear words, I couldn’t love it more.
I am a cusser, don’t get me wrong. I love me some swear words. But even I have learned a few new ones reading MWDAS’s book. And it’s always good to keep growing and learning no matter how old you get, amirite?
I also learned some new descriptive phrases for genitalia, bodily functions and imaginary friends, all while laughing my ass off.
This woman has a way with words. And in every one of them — even the curse words — is so much heart.
Since you all know how much I hate the constant chore that is cooking for kids, you won’t be surprised to find out my favorite chapter is called “Dinner Is Like Herpes.” Here’s a sample: “You can go all day and try not to think about making dinner, but it’s still there, lingering, lurking and mocking you. You can’t always see it, but it’s a permanent condition, a symptom of the virus known as ‘children,’ who need to be fed as long as they are alive.”
Enough said. Order your very own copy by clicking here.
Both books would be great mother’s day presents (along with mine, of course). Just package all three books up together with a bottle of wine and let those mothers in your life know they aren’t alone in this crazy, chaotic journey called motherhood.
But wait. Maybe you’d like to win a copy of Nicole Knepper’s book? A signed copy perhaps? Yes. Yes, as sure as I drink and swear, you would.
Here’s all you have to do. In the comments below, just list your favorite libation and your favorite swear word. If it was me, I’d write “Vodka and Shit.” Tuesday morning, I’ll choose a winner and BOOM! Your own personal, signed copy of MWDAS: Loving My Kids While Losing My Mind will be on its way to you.