My friend Mike insists it’s better to be a guy than a girl. Go read it – I’ll wait.
Better to be a guy?? I say he be trippin! While I know there are definitely a few advantages to being a guy (getting paid more to do the same job, for instance), I still think it’s FAR better to be a girl. And here’s why.
1. We get a LOT more free drinks — from bartenders, from other patrons (okay, men), and of course, the good ole ladies’ night (ever heard of a gentleman’s night?). You’re out for your drinks at full price and whatever girls’ drinks you’ve been hitting on. Plus you paid to get in, amirite?
2. Our clothing options are so. much. better. You’ve got pants, shorts and shirts in a narrow array of colors. We’ve got the world. And we want it ALL.
3. How many people open doors for you, push your chair in, give up their seats for you? That’s what I was thinking, while I was sitting in this comfy seat this dude just vacated for me.
4. We do also have protuberances but at least ours doesn’t have a mind of their own. Attention! Oh why don’t you just sit there and think about baseball for a few minutes and then maybe you can get up and go to the bathroom.
5. If we’re having a bad skin day or we have dark circles or pimples, or just want to look prettier – we have MAKEUP! All you have is a hand to place strategically over your zit.
6. We can bat our eyelashes and get help with just about anything. You’ll probably get beat up if you bat your eyelashes at the bouncer unless of course, you’re at a fabulous gay club.
7. Mother’s Day vs Father’s Day. We get breakfast in bed, a gift certificate for a massage and maybe even a chance to sleep in? For you? Ugly tie and it’s over.
8. Our productivity (sans kids) is higher because we’re not programmed to stop and think about sex every 8 seconds.
I could go on because I think it’s fabulous to be a chick but I want to leave a little space for you. Why do you think it’s better to be a woman than a man?
Enjoy reading my awesome (read “funny”) thoughts on men and women and their relationships? Get yourself a copy of my new book, in which I show you how to try to eff your relationship with all your might using margaritas and hair bleach. There are more than 35 funny and awesome stories about dating and marriage in this book. And the stories are nice and short so you can read while you hide in the bathroom pretending to go pee.
Given the fact that it took you over a year to come up with 8 reasons it is better to be a chick than a dude from my original posting, shows me you had to think LONG and hard to come up with something, anything
Well allow me to retort …
1. Free drinks, really ?? What does that work out to be with you chicks, like $20 in drinks ?? And the bonus of free drinks for you – easier pickups by us dudes …
2. Really, a benefit ?? I don’t think so as I lay in bed getting that extra hour of sleep while you go through countless combinations of clothing for you to wear only to go back to the first one you had on
3. Just FYI – that comfy seat the dude gave up to you has about 7 Taco Bueno burrito farts which he embedded in the cushion before you got there
4. You got me here. – it is a crazy organ with a mind of its own, but then again it is always easy to tell if we are thinking of pleasurable encounters unlike your crazy lady parts which remain a mystery to this day
5. You really just said having to put on makeup was a reason it was better to be a girl than a guy ?!?!? Are you high right now ?!?! How’s that covered makeup blemish feel when it is 95 degrees with 90% humidity ??
6. This is your best one. Any halfway decent girl that flirts even the tiniest of bits can get us to do anything they want because deep down we think that it shows us that you secretly want us. Remember, many times we are led by our small brain, not our big brain. The power of the is strong. The drawback for you is that even though your flirtation didn’t lead to anything, we will be thinking dirty thoughts about you after our encounter.
7. Please …. You want to know how to dick up our Father’s Day ?? give us breakfast in bed, give us a gift, make it a day about us, etc. The best gift you can give us on Father’s Day ?? Just leave us alone – just let us bath in our own thoughts and dream of the days when we were actually in control of all aspects in our lives
8. I would argue that we are more productive because we are not programmed to get distracted by Ellen, Oprah, and Facebook.
And what’s with the picture of the jumping chick ?? Who wears a scarf to the beach ?!?! She must be running for that free drink and chair combination coming her way .
#8. You forgot “The View.”
Just chiming in to co-sign with you. It’s better to be a girl All. The. Way.
Not that I have any experience being the latter — nor would I want to: I in no way would want to know what it’s like to have to rough a bad skin day sans make-up. Hell, I rarely wear make-up anyway, but I cherish having the option…
She: “The number one reason why it’s better to be a chick, is because we can get laid whenever we want.”
Me: “The number one reason why it’s better to be a dude, is because we can get married whenever we want.”
Silence.