Mom shaming
I gotta warn you — this time it’s personal.
Last week’s mom shaming trend was a little controversial on the internets.
A friend got the trend started (Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva – her current post features a load of mom-shamers) and then a bunch of other hilarious and honest women carried it on. You can even add your own mom shaming photo on Blogging While Mom’s facebook page.
Personally, I got almost all positive comments, except for the chick who repinned my shaming photo with the comment, “This is do dumb.”
That typo belongs to her, btw, so which one of us is more dumber? ; )
A great many of the people I heard from said that I made them pee themselves laughing, which makes me pretty happy. Clearly most of the stuff I do is humor, so laughing is good.
Peeing yourself, however, is not good. I suggest you get on those kegels.
But the message that made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and not because of the half-bottle of wine I’d consumed, but because it so closely ties with the “mission” of my blog in the first place is this one:
Hey, would you be okay with me sharing the photo you put up where you mention your first night out without the baby? I only want to do it with your permission, but it really struck a chord with me. It was one of the most honest expressions of our humanity in parenthood I have ever seen. I am so proud of you for your brutal honesty and bravery. We are *never* the paragons we are told we should be. We are people! Hope you and the family are well!
Yeah.
What Steve said.
Because he really got it. It’s about more than having a laugh.
I’m so grateful that Steve took the time to send me his thoughts because let me tell you folks, whatever you think of my “mom shaming” moment, it took a lot of guts for me to do that.
When I started this blog over 2 years ago (ugh, don’t look back, it’s not pretty. I actually posted recipes at one time…do dumb), it was out of frustration born from 2 main things:
1. I had been a career person all of my life and now I was stuck home all day long with a toddler whose unrelenting needs sent me searching for a satisfying creative outlet that didn’t involve making my own baby food. I love him (and his brother now) more than life itself, but I needed something for me.
2. I was suddenly a SAHM in a new city with no friends. And certainly no friends with kids. I had never been particularly close with a single SAHM mom EVER. The fantasy photo in my head about what it would be like to be a SAHM was off. Understatement of the decade. I was depressed about how hard, unrelenting and stressful it was and how isolated I felt and mostly, about how TOGETHER other moms seemed when I saw them out with their kids. I thought they knew something that I didn’t know. Or that they were way better mothers than I was. Eventually, I figured out that THIS WAS BULLSHIT. And I decided to talk about it freely. In public. And on the internet. Where everyone could see it.
But mostly where YOU could see it, if you’re a mom, and you think everyone’s getting it right but you. And you think you might be crazy, or bad at this really, really important job.
I think we have to be honest about motherhood. To acknowledge that we’re all dealing with pretty much the same crap — even those moms who don’t want to talk about it in public.
There will be many times when you’re elbow-deep in someone else’s poop, with “mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy” ringing in your ears all day long, and spit-up on the shirt you’ve had on for 3 days running, feeling alone, crazy and like you suck at the job at which you work so hard for 24 hours a day.
And you will make mistakes. Big ones and little ones.
But it’s not just you. It’s really, so very, not just you.
And that is why I mom-shamed, even though I was afraid.
It wasn’t even close to the first time I sat here in front of my computer, knowing that I needed to be completely honest with my writing, even though I was scared, even though what I was writing might make me look bad to the other parents at my kid’s school, to my family, or peeve off someone I know.
But each time, I remind myself of why I started this, and why it’s important to me, and I take a deep breath, ignore the butterflies in my stomach and hit publish.
No post exemplifies that more than my mommy shaming post.
However you look at it, it was an act of bravery.
I am an imperfect mom.
I screw up.
I’m human.
And I’m still a really good mom.
I bet you mess up too.
And I hope you feel just a little bit better about it.
I really, really do.
If you enjoy mom shaming, check out Mommy Shorts baby shaming.
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