Show Me The Magic

Posted on December 25, 2012 by ashersmom

Uh, Santa? You forgot something…

That moment when your kindergartner wakes you up because Santa has come and you pad out in your socked feet just hoping to grab a cup of coffee before the paper-shredding begins and then you see something peeking in your front door and you knit your brows, puzzled, but it’s followed immediately by a delighted grin because whatever it is, you can tell it’s just plain magic.

And you all run to the door and there’s a reindeer with a wreath around his neck and he wants to come in because it’s cold outside and he’s been waiting there on the porch for hours and he’s eager to get on with the merry task of being your new pet.

@toulouseNtonic #dearsanta

And you don’t know how or who but you don’t care because it’s magic and magic it shall be.

P. S. If you know an inexpensive supplier of reindeer moss, a friendly large-animal vet or a lonely female reindeer with a good set of upper points, please write to me at toulouseandtonic@gmail.com.

Wishing a little of the real magic of Christmas to each and every one of you.

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Holiday Wrapping (up)

Posted on December 22, 2012 by ashersmom

I’m feeling so warm and fuzzy today. Looks like your (sometimes) weekly newsletter will be short on the snark.

Never fear. My snark well runs deep and strong. It’ll be back, probably by the end of this update.

The 12 Days of Chrismukkah

Last week, I got my husband tipsy and talked him into doing this: The 12 Days of Chrismukkah and my 1st vlog. If you like pumpkin latkes, menorahments and hannucookies, or if you have no idea what those things are (because I made them up), or if you just like to laugh at people who either sing badly or reluctantly, check it out. Who doesn’t wanna spend 2 minutes laughing at a person in a yarmulke and another in a ridiculous elf hat totally effing up The 12 Days of Christmas song?

One of my favorite posts about vaginas (is it weird that my blog has enough posts about vaginas that I can say that?) was featured on BONBON Break last week. If you haven’t joined Bonbon Break, I highly recommend. Kathy and Val are the nicest gals going, and every day they offer you a lovely chocolate-coated bite of the best things going on in the blogging world. Subscribe at www.bonbonbreak.com, like their facebook page and follow Bonbon Break on twitter.

One invigorating move in the Momsanity workout.

Also last week on Bonbon Break, amazing mom blogger Keesha of Mom’s New Stage offered a great (and funny) new way to work off those holiday pounds with her MOMSANITY workout. She was ~~masochistic~~ kind enough to allow me to illustrate one of the moves. After you eat these scrumptious vulva candies, get in a Momsanity workout and you’ll magically fit into those pajama jeans without an 80s-style deep-knee-bending and muffin-top-squooshing-down struggle.

This week… I have to stop and take a sip of mimosa and watch the sugar plums dancing in my head. Oh what a week. This is gonna sound totally like humblebragging but I just can’t help myself. I’m so excited and grateful about reaching some milestones I never in a million years thought I would reach.

With the generous help of some blogger friends, not only did I break my all-time hit record in a day but doubled it on Wednesday. And even on Thursday, as things wound down, there were still more pageviews than my previous record.

How did this happen?

I guest-posted on Mommy Shorts with an article about the Top 10 (hilarious) differences between parenting your first child and parenting your second. Mommy Shorts reported over 1000 facebook likes on the post (I asked her if she’d added a zero or two) and some of her readers made their own funny contributions. Check ‘em out on the Mommy Shorts facebook page. And thank you, Ilana, for lending me the Mommy Shorts power for a couple of days. It was fun. Really, really fun.

Then, ON THE SAME BLESSED DAY, a blogger I’ve stalked since before I started my own blog featured one of my posts. I’ll just say first that her blog is called MotherhoodWTF and from the first moment I visited, I was hooked. Allison says all the stuff about mothering you wish you could say. Profanely. And intelligently. Is she profanely intelligent? Or Intelligently profane? Who cares? It’s all the same to me and I love it. You will too if you have a sense of humor about parenting. And you must, or you wouldn’t be here.

sweet potato latkes with bacon turn into hash browns

Sweet Potato Latke Notkes. Add bacon to make them even more of a Chrismukkah disaster.

And in the perfect blogging storm of Wednesday, I was also featured on CraftFail again. Yes, again. This time with my disaster-of-a-shiksa-bride sweet potato latkes. If I wasn’t so stubborn, I’d stop trying with the freaking crafts. But I never learn. Ask anyone.

And then last night, I reached 1000 twitter followers. Happy sigh.

I also posted this silly little thing full of stories about pets pooping out holiday decorations. Or more accurately, TRYING to poop out holiday decorations.

Hold on, let me check the snark well. Nope, all dry.

Thank you so much for your support. This blog gives me a lot of happiness these days. I’ve been writing it for 2 years or more, but there’s something about it these last few months…I’m guessing the difference is you.

Here is my simple advice to you as we head into the final days before Christmas. 1. Do NOT go to the mall. 2. Tipple. Tipple hard.

Happy holidays.

Toulouse

Awesome things I read this week:

The ABCs of Raising Boys

Jesus Crashed My Birthday Party

Elf Shaming

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Latke NOTkes

Posted on December 13, 2012 by ashersmom

Sweet Potato Latke Notkes. Add bacon to make them even more of a yummy Chrismukkah treat. @toulouseNtonic #chrismukkah

Since my husband is Jewish and I’m Christian, we’ve been celebrating Chrismukkah together for years now. We like to invent new traditions to blend our holiday cultures. This year, for the first time, I decided make latkes with a Christmas twist…

Just follow the directions below to make your own delicious Chrismukkah latkes.

While you’re cooking, have your partner experiment with some Chrismukkah cocktails.

First up, eggnog, whiskey and blue curaçao.

We shall call this one a Chrismukkah Mistake and we shall never speak of it again.

Bleck.

Pour it down the sink and have your mixologist go back to the drawing board.

In the meantime, open some wine and begin to combine your holiday traditions by cooking Sweet Potato Latkes.

Take 2 sweet potatoes and skin them alive.

peeled sweet potatoes

Many recipes call for you to hand-grate the potatoes but since I’m ~~lazy~~ a fan of modern-day appliances, I recommend tossing them right into the food processor until they look like something resembling this.

grate (or grind up) your sweet potatoes

The next step involves pressing all the water out of your sweet potatoes in a colander.

I pushed on them so hard, I got really thirsty and was willing to try another Chrismukkah cocktail. This one involved champagne with Manischewitz drizzled into it. It was declared drinkable and deemed a Chrismukkah Spritzer.

Chrismukkah Champagne Sprizter

I pushed and I pushed and still no liquid came out.

So I sat on them.

Press the water out of the sweet potatoes

The only thing accomplished was that my ass broke the colander.

Oh well.

Next, it’s time to get creative. Rummage through your refrigerator for something to spice up the latkes.

Aha! I know what they’re missing! The most unkosher thing on the planet.

Hello, lover! You’ll do quite nicely.

Fry the bacon and crumble it into the sweet potatoes.

Add a teaspoon of cloves, a little honey, 2 eggs and a shit ton of brown sugar.

Mix it all up with your hands.

Pat it into little pancakes and drop them into a hot frying pan with some oil.

Within a couple of minutes, if you lack the latke touch like I do, they’ll start falling apart. Embrace change, stir them up into hash browns and call them Latke NOTkes.

Oy vey. I’m a disaster of a shiksa bride.

But they were DELISH!

And a new Chrismukkah tradition is born.

Happy Chrismukkah!

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Finding The Funny (Super Giant Awesome Holiday Edition) is LIVE!

Posted on December 12, 2012 by ashersmom

Finding the Funny Holiday Edition

It’s a very special edition of Finding the Funny! Today I’m teaming up with My Life and Kids, Kelley’s Break Room and 15 more bloggers to bring you a special Holiday edition of Finding the Funny!

How to Link Up

Link up as many posts as you want – old or new – as long as they’re related to the holidays and will make us laugh! Your post will show up here and on 16 other blogs!

It’s easy to link up!

Click on the “Add Your Link” button at the bottom of the page.
URL: copy and paste the URL of your blog post (be sure to use the exact post URL).
Name: enter the TITLE of your blog post – this is what will appear below your post picture. (Limited to 30 characters)
Enter your email address (don’t worry – this won’t be shared.)
Click on NEXT and choose an image that will appear in the link up.
Stick around and read the other posts and get ready to laugh!